(This suggestion from @JayTay. At least it isn’t jam, I suppose)
the masterpiece of cinema that is Batman and Robin
It is hard to tell if he is being sarcastic or not, and not only because I’m surprised he’d ever even seen it. I know, up until this request, I certainly hadn’t.
Like many films of the era, compared to modern ones at least, the acting is school-play level terrible, the costumes and props are laughable and it’s far too long. Whole sections where nothing happens, such as a car driving down a street, or a guy sat at a desk doing zero of interest or relevance to the story should have been cut completely.
The dialogue is vapid and the characters completely characterless. Bruce Wayne appears to be a generic salaryman in a wide-shouldered suit, while Batman is uncomfortable and podgy in a badly fitted costume. Robin looks concerned with his high-hipped pants (and dresses like he’s in Showaddywaddy when in civvies), and Wayne Manor is, on the outside at least, simply a large house. Hardly a mansion befitting a billionaire playboy.
Alfred is psychic, knowing to walk to the phone before it starts ringing, and to go to the window and look at the Bat Signal without actually knowing it is there to look at. Said signal is somehow projected via a microfiche viewer too. Totally unbelievable. Vikki Vale looks old enough to be Bruce’s mum, and the undynamic duo drive a normal car, albeit a convertable.
The plot revolves around Batman and Robin trying to stop The Wizard (no, not Fred Savage’s little brother) who can control cars with some electrical gizmo and turn himself invisible, but most of the film consists of Batman or Robin getting trapped and needing the help of the other to escape. It’s a shambles, a farce, and utterly devoid of any entertainment value at all. Oh, and get this: it has a an ending that wouldn’t be out of place in an episode of Scooby Doo. Spoilers, I suppose.
Masterpiece? I don’t think so. It has very few Bat-Gadgets, no proper Batmobile, and the fighting is atrocious. It’s more like a cross between a Famous Five book and a western than a Batman film.
I give it two stars. And that’s only because of Robin’s pants.
