deKay’s Blog

When this first came out, I watched it three times in a single weekend, as it seemed necessary to do so in order to make sense of the story. This time around, however, despite not having seen it in more than ten years, I didn’t have to. I don’t know if that’s because I subconciously remembered the bits I needed to pay attention to, or whether I got lucky, but still - you have to concentrate or things really do pass you by.

Bruce Willis’ character, Cole, is sent back in time to find out where a virus that wiped out most of humanity started out. Unfortunately, he’s initially sent back too far, and his scrambled brain ramblings about the future gets him locked up in an asylum. There, he meets Goines (Brad Pitt) who tries to help him escape. Cole is taken back to the future (his present), and then sent back in time again, correctly, to just before the virus outbreak begins.

There’s a major twist in the plot, when it seems that Cole, because of his conversations in the asylum, actually planted the seed of the idea of wiping out humanity in Goines’ head, as Goines goes on to form The Army of the Twelve Monkeys - the group blamed, in the future, for the virus. Phew, eh?

But that’s just the start of the complication. Cole’s assigned psychiatrist, Kathryn Railly, had been researching claims of people throughout history who suggested the world was going to end. Their stories match up with Cole’s, and it turns out that they’re all other people who had been sent back in time, like Cole had. Then there’s another twist when Cole starts to believe he is actually insane, and his time in the future is entirely in his head. And then there’s another twist at the end.

It’s all very confusing, unless you’re paying attention. But it’s cleverly done, and covers so many topics (mental health, germ warfare, time travel, animal rights) that it plays out like an expertly woven tapestry.

Verdict: 5/5

A deeply religious police sergeant travels to a island village to try to solve the mystery of a girl who disappeared there. On his arrival, he finds that none of the residents have even heard of her. As his investigations progess, he is exposed to more and more of the “heathen” traditions of the island’s pagan ways, realising the girl’s disappearance is somehow linked to them.

Although described as a horror, or a thriller, I wouldn’t really class The Wicker Man as either. It’s a mystery, with a somewhat horrific realisation at the end, but for the most part plays out like some sort of musical fantasy film.

Remarkably, much of the ritual side of the plot is actually based in reality, which adds even more to the story. Thoroughly recommended.

Verdict: 5/5

Absolutely amazing.

It’s slick, it’s twisty, it’s got style, and Samuel L Jackson does what Samuel L Jackson does best. He plays the nephew of the original John Shaft, working for the police, and with a personal interest in anti-black crime. Two unrelated arrests cause a rich murderer and a drug lord to team up to take out a witness to a murder, and Shaft along the way.

There’s shootouts, car chases, one-liners, bent cops… plenty to prevent the film slowing down at any point. An excellent watch.

Verdict: 5/5

Big budget, big names, some amazing effects and quite clearly epic in almost every way. However, it’s also mostly brainless, has the more ridiculous “win” plot ever, and Brent Spiner’s character dies despite him being the best one in the film.

Things that made me ill:

1. The first lady somehow survives (for a bit)
2. The dog somehow survives
3. Will Smith’s cigar “tradition”
4. The drunken hick who flies into the ship killing himself

And other bits. And can Jeff Goldblum play any character in a film other than some slightly strange scientist?

Oh, and all the “drops” in the early part of the film ending up as major story elements. For example, the president used to be a fighter pilot, then oh look! He’s needed to fly a fighter plane. And Jeff gets air sick and oh look! He has to fly on board the alien ship into space! And so on.

However, somehow, all the rubbish bits of the film came together to create something actually very good.

Verdict: 4/5

These old films about computers (see also WarGames) are amazing. They never manage to get computers right, do they? They just assume that computers in the future will get bigger, have more flashing lights, still be using floppy disks, and yet will have amazing artificial intellegence. Presumably squeezed into 16K of RAM.

Demon Seed is about one of these computers. One with its own brain, and tasked with things such as finding places to drill for oil, predicting the stock market, and coming up cures for nasty diseases. Unfortunately for the recently-separated wife of Alex, its creator, it gains actual sentience and decides it doesn’t want to be confined to a box, instead spreading out to the wife Susan’s house, and taking over its already clever home-help computer.

Proteus IV, the computer, then sets about studying Susan both psychologically and (increasingly invasively) physically. Preventing her escape, it reveals its plan to have a child with her.

Some parts of the film are a bit slow moving, and there are holes in the way in which Susan is supposedly imprisoned, as escape should have been much more simple. And nobody wonders where the geek who comes to rescue her disappeared to? And where did his car vanish to when others came to the house?

Besides that, and the lack of anything scary at all (not even any make-you-jump moments), as well as the ooooh computery warpy lights “simulations”, it was pretty entertaining. If a little disturbing when I realised that Robert Vaughn was providing the voice of Proteus.

Verdict: 3/5

Paul Kaye introduced it as a film you need to see before you die. I’m not sure that’s entirely necessary, as there are many better films out there. However, there aren’t many better films with Monty Python involvement, and midgets. Sorry, dwarves. What is the politically correct term? Very small people? Persons of unusually short stature?

Although it was written by two Pythons, and stars some of them, overt silliness is kept to a minimum. The story is all over the place, yes, and Palin and Cleese’s characters are somewhat more silly than the rest, but it isn’t totally nonsensical like other Python films.

A boy get caught up with a group of, er, substantially-nearer-the-floor criminals, who have stolen a map of the universe that shows holes in history. So they set out to rob rich people from the past blind. Of course, the lord of all evil (who isn’t supposed to be Satan at all) wants the map himself to get back at The Guy Who Isn’t God, No, Honestly.

The film is essentially a lot of funny set pieces, and although the kid’s voice is more irritating than I’d like, it’s certainly worth seeing.

Verdict: 4/5

Everyone loves Ghibli films, right? They’re everything Disney aren’t. You know, like good and stuff.

My Neighbour Totoro follows the story of two girls who, with their father, move to the country to be nearer their mother in hospital. There’s not really much of a plot, as very little actually happens. It’s just a very nice fairy story of the forest spirits (Totoro and his friends) and how they help the girls a couple of times after the girls lend Totoro an umbrella.

And that’s it.

But it doesn’t need to be any more. There’s no real danger, no climax, no major events, but it’s a charming, mostly happy story that’s enjoyable to watch, fantastically animated, and well told.

Verdict: 4/5

No, I haven’t seen The Dark Knight yet. But this’ll do, yes? Sort of.

Unlike the first two 1990s Batman films, which were a bit dark and "grown-up", Batman Forever doesn’t pretend to be much more than a film based on the 60s series. It’s a comedy. The baddies, The Riddler and Two-Face, are maniacal in the same way the baddies in 60s Batman were. It’s all bright colours and puns and silliness.

The plot doesn’t make much sense. There are holes all over it. The Riddler only really has one riddle, which Batman, if Batman was anything like Batman should be, would have figured out instantly. OMG! He says, The Riddler is Edward Nigma! But surely, 45 minutes eariler in the film, you knew that, Mr Batman?

And the big comedy bomb. And all the vintage cars. And why does Gotham City have its own Statue of Liberty?

But I enjoyed the references. I liked how, when Clearly Gay Robin (With Earring) was asking what his name should be: "Bat-Boy? Nightwing?". And when Nigma was coming up with his name: "The Puzzler? No!". Unfortunately, the comedy "holy" reference seemed too obviously wedged in. Batman and Robin swim to an island, and as they clamber up the shore, Robin remarks "Holy rusty metal, Batman!". His explaination "er, the metal, is rusty with holes in" makes it cringeworthy.

Overall, however, it’s a funny and watchable homage to the TV series, with just a few silly flaws.

Oh, and why was Odo from Deep Space Nine prominently featured in the opening credits, when he only has one line and appears for less than three seconds at the end of the film?

Verdict: 3/5

Jeff Goldblum only seems to fit a role if he’s playing a slightly strange scientist. In The Fly, he’s a physicist who develops a teleportation device. Having met a journalist who initially wants a story, but eventually falls in love with him, he manages to work out how to successfully transport living matter. Without turning it inside-out like the baboon it didn’t work on…

He later gets drunk having jumped to conclusions about his new girlfriend’s relationship with her boss, and decides to try his telepods on himself. Success! Only he accidently fuses his DNA with that of a fly also in the telepod.

Over the coming weeks he gradually becomes more and more fly-like, eventually being able to walk on walls and vomit acid with which to digest his food. He ends up a monster, with a terrible theory on how to resolve the problem.

So these days, some of the effects (particularly later in the film when he’s more fly and less man) are rubbish, but the film remains amazing. And, for once, it’s far better than the original film it is (pretty loosely, really) based on.

Verdict: 4/5

OMG! Matthew Broderick looks about 7 years old!

The plot: boy “accidently” kicks off World War 3 by hacking into a military defence computer, thinking it’s part of a video game company, and playing “Global Thermonuclear War”. He’s arrested, escapes, finds a guy who was legally dead (who wrote the “games” on the computer), and obviously, saves the day.

I don’t even know where to begin with regards to the nonsensical way computers are portrayed. But then, every film involving computers as a major plot point has the same problem. At least here the issues (mainly to do with the conversations with the computer - no, really) are relatively minor. It’s not like Minority Report or anything.

But it was pretty good all the same. Especially Malvin the geeky bloke, who didn’t remind me of The Gubbins at all. Oh no.

Verdict: 3/5