However, like Bar Gratings, I’m clearly the place to get some spool macs from. Or so the email I got this morning suggests:

From: glen johnson
Date: 11 November 2011 07:12
Subject: order

Hello,
Am Mr Glen Johnson and i will like to order spool macs from your company,can i have their prices in range and the method of payment you do accept,I wish to start business with your good company so i look forward for your valued reply ASAP.

Have a nice day !

Best Regards
Glen Johnson

Well, never one to turn down a potential customer, I passed him on to my faithful sales employee, Harry:

Dear Mr Glen,

We sell large spool macs at US$120.41 each, and small spool macs at US$118.12 each.

We accept payment by Paypal and Green Shield Stamps.

Hope to hear from you soon,

Haz
Senior Executive Tie

Hello,

I will like you to send me the list of GAME CONSOLES you have
available and their prices,so i can choose the one that is most
suitable for me.

Regards

So I sent this in return:

Dear Mr Henry

Here is a list of the GAME CONSOLES in our stocks. All prices are priced in US DOLLERS.

NEW
NINTENDO WII WHITE $200
NINTENDO WII BLACK $220
ZII CONSOLE $100
ITEK $60
SEGA XBOX 360 250GBS BLACK $240
SEGA XBOX 360 AND KINECTS $320
SONNY PLAY STATION 3 $280
SONNY PLAY STATION 3 AND MOVE $300
GAME KING $50
GAME KING II $60
NINTENDO DUAL DS WHITE $110
NINTENDO DUAL DS BLUE $110
SONNY PLAY STATUS PORTABLE $140

REMANUFACTURED
NONTENDO GAME BOY ADVANCE $40
NONTENDO DUAL DS CLONE $80
TOMY TRONIC SKY FIGHTERS $20

Best,
Haz (Exec Sales Admin Exec Sales Dept)

Reel reel reel reel…

Hi Sales,

Am Mr Henry Romans. I want to place an order from you. I know the difficulties encountered when shipping internationally, But that will not be a problem because i am registered with a shipping company whom i have used severally without any delay nor problems with my goods. Before i place these order, i want you to notify me if i am able to place the order and most important: If i can make payment with my credit cards Visa/Mc because that is the only way we are set for payment now without no delay. I don’t place online orders can i e-mail my ORDER needed then you can give me a quote here and make charges to my cards manually on your end ? Pls Clarify.

Looking forward to your swift response then we can proceed further as soon as possible.

Warmest Regards.

Mr Henry Romans

Shipping Address:
103-103 Yangwoo Apt, 323 Sosadong Sosaku
Bucheon City
Kyunggido
53226
Korea
Reg. No. 1450528

How could I resist? I thought I’d play along, not expecting much (as I said – they rarely respond back).

Dear Mr Henry,

Yes, we can ship many product to you by the way of your shipping company and I am happy to take your credit cards (we accept MC/VISA/AMEX/Diners/TigerTokens) by emailing so I can quote immediately.

How many units are you in the ordering of?

Best,
Haz (Sales Corp Exec Admin)

Imagine my surprise when he actually emailed back! I’m not sure what he thinks I’m selling though, and I’m not certain how this scam actually “works”, or at least, is supposed to work, but still…

Hello,

I will like you to send me the list of products you have available and their prices,so i can choose the one that is most suitable for me.

Regards

After some thought, I decided what I would sell him and emailed this back:

Dear Mr Henry,

We have a many selection of assorted different products and styles. Our best selling products are SUNGLASSES and GENUINE FAKE ROLEX WATCHES, but we also sell GOLF CLUBS, SPYING EQUIPMENT, MP3/MP4/MP5 PLAYERS, GAME CONSOLES, BAR GRATINGS, CELL PHONE CHARGERS and USB GADGETS.

Which of these are you most interested in?

Best,
Haz (Sales Admin Exec Sales)

Let’s hope the fishy bites, yes? I may have jinxed it with the bar gratings though.

From: clement boot
Date: 8 March 2010 12:15
Subject: Order

Dear Customer Service

My name is Rev Clement Boot with the Boot’s & Company Inc and i am
sending this email to your business as per regards to the order for
some ((Bar Grating)) . I will want you to send me an email response
back with the types of ((Bar Grating))that you carry as well as their
prices that you carry in stock now so that i can make my selection and
let you know the type that i am looking for so that we can proceed
with the order and i will also like to know the forms of payment that
you accept so that we can proceed with the order.

Best Regards
Rev. Boot

Since, bizarrely, I also happen to run a company that make gratings and fences (not actually true), I thought I’d best email him back post haste!

Hello Dear Mr Rev. Boot,

I am very glad you have the time in contacting our company for the very purpose of enquiring about the products in the type of Bar Grating that we are producers of. We have many Bar Grading products suitable for floors and fencings. We have thicknesses for you from 10MM to 500MM and make curves to a degrees of 90%. Bar Gratings can be made from steel or 17% iron alloy bronze.

Payments can be made by PAYPAL or WESTERN UNION, in advancement of your shipping.

Please supply the specifications of the Bar Grating you wish to buy from us and our sales will invoice you with pricings for our produce.

Best Regards,
Mr. Harry Bloxham
Gratings and Fencings GMBH.

Could be onto a bit of cash here!

Update at 09:30!

Seems I’m not the only person the very Rev Boot has been contacting! This guy was asked to provide details of his kayak products, and this one was asked for 200.000pcs of iron! Clearly Clement is a terrorist.

See also the amazing nonsense about my file (marked X!) and the released disk (painted RED!).

From:     janejames08@gmail.com
Subject:     Jame J
Date:     5 June 2009 14:20:52 BST
To:     Undisclosed recipients: ;
Reply-To:     janejames01@hotmail.co.uk

I am Miss Jane James.. a computer scientist with central bank of Nigeria.

I am 26 years old, just started work with C.B.N. I came across your file which was marked X and your released disk painted RED, I took time to study it and found out that you have paid VIRTUALLY all fees and certificate but the fund has not been release to you. The most annoying thing is that they cannot tell you the truth that on no account will they ever release the fund to you, instead they let you spend money unnecessarily. I do not intend to work here all the days of my life, I can release this fund to you if you can certify me
of my security, and how I can run away from this Nigeria if I do this, because if I don’t run away from this country after i make the transfer, I will seriously be in trouble and my life will be in danger.

Please this is like a Mafia setting in Nigeria, you may not understand it because you are not a Nigerian. The only thing I will need to release this fund is a special HARD DISK we call it HD120 GIG. I will buy two of it, recopy your information, destroy the previous one, punch the computer to reflect in your bank within 24 banking hours. I will clean up the tracer and destroy your file, after which I will run away from Nigeria to meet with you. If you are interested.

SPECIAL INFORMATION:YOU WILL SEND THE FEE FOR THE HARD DISK FIRST BEFORE I MAKE YOUR TRANSFER.DONT CONTACT ME IF YOU CAN NOT SEND THE HARD DISK FEE FIRST.AS SOON AS I RECEIVE YOUR EMAIL I WILL LET YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THE DISK WILL COST YOU.

Do get in touch with me immediately.

Regards,
Jane James.
Computer Scientist
janejames01@hotmail.co.uk

Of course, that isn’t what’s happening. This company are actually selling you a search engine submission subscription. Something which is pretty useless these days anyway, even if that is what they actually do (I doubt it).

To add to the panic, I received this today (12th May) with the subject “This is your Final Notice of Domain Notification”. Look at the deadline for when my domain registration expires: today.

Helpfully, there’s no company name on the email, although the sender is a dead giveaway something is up – Domain Services <domsrvcs72@hotmail.com>. Then there’s the “unsubscribe” link at the bottom, which uses the email address wdsrv278@operamail.com. The address for the company is given as 47-47 36th Street #16452, Long Island City, NY 11101 in the US. Another giveaway, as the domain is UK registered. Finally, there’s a fax number: 1-646-385-7542.

(click for bigger)

As with yesterday’s scam du jour, I was told I’d won an amazing prize! Of course, in order to claim the prize, I’d have to ring 09061 562911, paying ¬¨¬£9.30 for the phone call. Then, I’d no doubt win “an MP3 Player”, probably of the sort eBuyer sell for a fiver, and then have to pay ¬¨¬£9.95 delivery and insurance. Bargain.

A search for The Prize Registry, PO Box 78, Ross-on-Wye, HR9 9ZU brings up plenty of references, including this from The Motley Fool.

The company, TLAC Ltd, at Kemp House, 152-160 City Road, London EC1V 2NX (address included for the benefit of Googlers) appears to offer “thankyou prizes and awards”, not unlike Survey UK. As before, I hunted around on the internet, and found this message on The Guardian’s website.

To cut it short, you ring up a premium rate number to claim your “award”, spending more money on the call than the value of the “prize” you actually receive. Note the footnote for the digital camera (the cheapest of the “prizes”), which states “all electrical items require a payment of ¬¨¬£6.50 which includes insurance and delivery”, thus grabbing more of your cash for rubbish.

So it’s not a “prize” or and “award” – it’s a lottery. A rubbish one at that.

Today’s offender is 01563 556366, which (according to other posters at WhoCallsMe?) is yet another company pretending to be T-Mobile.

This post was brought to you by the number 01254 277069, and the letters F and U.

Oh, and here’s the Who Calls Me? page for this number.

01254277054 – who calls me?

I was right to be suspicious. It turns out the company (Matters Consulting Ltd, Victoria House, 1 Gloucester Road, Cheltenham) has been in legal trouble before, when they were called “Opinions” and told people they’d won gifts. Gifts the “winners” then had to pay for. Now they’ve reworded the letters to remove “won”, but the scam remains the same – you ring them up and are offered reduced price gym membership. Some “gift”!

It seems I wasn’t the only one to get this either.

UPDATE 01/10/09: Some of the comments have been deleted due to their nature at the request of Richard Seaman.

Surprise surprise, looking up 01792 828105 on WhoCallsMe? confirms it. It’s “Mobiles For You” (with or without a “4″ and/or a “U”) in Cardiff again. Hurrah!

Thankfully, they hung up as soon as I answered. Perhaps I shouldn’t have answered. After all, I guessed it was them before I did, and I’m still not interested…

Welsh Bloke: Hi there! I’m just ringing you to let you know your T-mobile contract is up for renewal and we can offer you a brand new phone and a massive reduction on your bill!

My contract is indeed up for renewal. So I naturally just assumed it was T-mobile calling me.

Me: Erm, OK. It’s unlikely you’ll be able to reduce my bill…
Welsh Bloke: Lets see we–
Me: Hang on, are you from T-mobile
Welshy: Well, no. We’re a company called Mobiles For You and we can offer–
Me: Right, well, I’m sorry but I’m not interested.
Welshy: I’m not interesting?
Me: No, I’m not interested in whatever it is you’re going to offer.
Welshy: Right sir, I’ll just put you through to our “Not Interested” department.
Me: What? You have a–
Welshy: Please hold a second…

So I hung up. Their number was 01792 828102 if anyone fancies ringing them and asking for their Not Interested department. I would, but, well, I’m not actually interested.

That’s right! I’ve won some Spanish lottery again! Last time, I think I forgot to fill the claim form in, or something, as I didn’t get my money. Hurrah for winning again then! I must be the luckiest person ever.

Here’s the envelope that arrived a few days ago:

And in it, the letter telling me I’d won ‚Äö?ᬮ815,810.00:

AWARD FINAL NOTIFICATION:

We are pleased to inform you of the release of INTERNATIONAL LOTTO PROGRAMME held on the 20th of September, 2007.Due to mix up of some numbers and names, the results were released on the 17th of December, 2007. Your name attached to the ticket number. 023 1-0605 with serial number 142 1-0819 drew the lucky numbers 10 ‚Äö?Ñ?Æ 16 ‚Äö?Ñ?Æ 30 ‚Äö?Ñ?Æ 33 ‚Äö?Ñ?Æ 42 ‚Äö?Ñ?Æ 47, which consequently won the lottery in the 3rd category. You have therefore been approved for a lump sum payout of ‚Äö?ᬮ815,810.00 (EIGHT HUNDRED AND FIFTEEN THOUSAND EIGHT HUNDRED AND TEN EUROS) in cash credited to file with REF NO.ESL/005570/EG and BATCH NO.LS/022010/07/MW. This is from a total cash prize of ‚Äö?ᬮ12,237,150.00 (TWELVE MILLION, TWO HUNDRED AND TWENTY SEVEN THOUSAND, ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY EUROS) Shared among 15 international winners in this category. CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Your fund is now deposited with the BANK and insured in your name. Due to mix up of some numbers and names, we ask that you keep this award information from public notice, until your claim has been processed and money remitted to your account as this is part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming or unwarranted abuse of this program by unscrupulous individuals. All participants were selected through computer ballot system drawn from 25,000, names from Europe, Asia, Australia, Middle East, North and South America, as part of our International promotion program.

To begin your claims, please contact your claims agent, DON FERNANDEZ CA14A the foreign operation manager of APPLE SECURITY COMPANY S.A.on Tel:- 0034 665 150 111,! Fax:- 0034 911 311 852, for processing and remittance of your prize award to a designated account of your choice. Remember, all prize award must be claimed not later than 10th of January 2008. After this date, all funds will be returned to the MINISTERIO DE ECONOMIA V HACIENDA as unclaimed. Also be informed that 10% of your Lottery winning belongs to APPLE SECURITY COMPANY S.A. because they are your claim agent. This 10% will be remitted after you have received your winnings fund.

NOTE: In order to avoid unnecessary delays and complications, please remember to quote your reference and batch numbers in every of your correspondence with your gent. Furthermore, should there be any change of your address, do inform your claim agent as soon as possible. Attached, is a processing form, fill it out and return to APPLE SECURITY COMPANY S.A. on the, Fax: – 0034 911 414 285 for processing and remittance of your winning fund.

Amazing!

I’ve just got in from work to find a letter from Spain on my doormat:

Since I don’t actually know anyone in Spain, this was quite exciting! I wondered what on earth could be inside? Amazingly, it would appear that I have won the lottery – to the tune of 615,810 Euros!

All I need to do to claim, is fill out a form giving “Bilbao Seguros” 10% of my winnings and all of my personal information. I’m rich!

Hurrah for snail-mail spam, eh?

However, I was confused to get the letter from a company called UK Internet Register rather than 1&1 (the host), or Nominet. And here it is:

Even more surprising, was the money they wanted for this renewal – ¬¨¬£639. That’s a markup of some 1000% from last year. Then, I realised that they’re actually selling “search keys”, which seem to be some sort of advertising. For ¬¨¬£639!

That sounds like an amazing bargain, yes?

Anyway, so I looked up the company name on Google, and found this helpful blog post. Look familar? Basically, it’s a scam.