Sonic and All-Stars Racing Transformed (Wii U)

Firstly, shush. It’s not a proper Sonic game even by Sega’s standards. It’s a racing game that has Sonic in it. Big difference. In fact, I’m making a protest by not playing as Sonic or any of his idiot chums, instead working my way through Grand Prix mode as former Sega poster boy Alex Kidd.

Alex Kidd who has grown up to be quite an angry, violent young man. I’m sure it’s down to how his parents (Mr and Mrs Sega) dumped him at a young age. In one battle race, the commentator shouted “YOU HIT AMY!” to which Alex responded “I’M GREAT!”. You big man, Alex! Also, the amount of swearing that comes from his filthy mouth when he bumps into rocks and stuff is quite 15 certificate. PEGI 7? I think not.

But what about the game? Is it good?

Oh yes, it is. It’s very good. The best thing Sonic has been in since… ooh, Sonic Rush? Yes – lets randomly pick that. But Sonic is just in it, remember. This is not a Sonic game. After all, Sonic doesn’t need a car.

He might need a boat though. Or an aeroplane. As both those are present in the game, hence the title Transformed. Your car periodically morphs into a different vehicle depending on the bit of the course you’re on. You know, just like in Mario Kart. Oh no! I said Mario Kart! And I was doing so well.

Progress so far as been mainly one starring all the available events in GP mode, unlocking what I’m able to in the process, and reaching an impasse – I need (I think) 90 stars to get through to what seems to be the final event, but since I’ve only been one (and occasionally two) starring everything, I’ve scraped a meagre 46 together. Bumholes.

And so begins the replaying of virtually every event, only on a harder setting. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? At the moment… myuhnuh?