Not being a fan of the original Kid Icarus from all those many years ago, I wasn’t really looking forward to the 3DS game. Until I saw some videos and reviews a few months back. Then it was an instant NEED.

Frankly, it’s fantastic. It looks great, and I really like the constant banter between Palutena and Pit. The on-rails shooting bits are excellent, and, despite the nasty camera on-foot, those sections are fun too. Loving all the massive silly baddies too. One turned me into an aubergine. No, really.

There are a billion and one things to collect. Weapons of many kinds to collect, fuse and modify. You can “bet” on each level, offering up currency for better rewards on harder difficulties. So far, I’ve cowardly stuck to 2.2 (out of 9).

I’m four episodes in, and really enjoying it. However, I can’t play it for more than an episode at a time because the way you have to hold the 3DS and stylus is awkward and painful. Oh well.

Kirby and the Amazing Mirror (3DS)

Actually, the GBA version I got as part of the 3DS Ambassador thing. I thought I’d played it before, but I don’t actually remember any of it. It’s very confusing, as there’s no linear progression from level to level (like in Kirby’s Dream Land) or a map where you can replay previous levels (like in Kirby’s Adventure). Instead, there’s a complicated map system where you have to find different exits to access other levels, with occasional mirrors that are found which then leave a permanent link from the main “room” of the game to parts of the map. I suppose it’s a little bit how games like Metroid work, but the map is useless at telling you where you need to go, and it’s too easy to get stuck in a one-way route and have to redo miles of the game before you can try to find another route. I’m sort of enjoying it, but it doesn’t work well with quick bursts of play.

Skyrim (360)

Not progressed much since last time I posted about this, but I have agreed to do some Thieves Guild work (which involves roughing up some locals for money) so started that. I also slaughtered loads of people in the Ratway. I didn’t want to, but they attacked me and things just spiralled into badness. Also: my Flame Atronach is awesome.

VVVVVV (3DS)

Having completed the main game, I was going to go back and collect some more trinkets. However, I got a bit sidetracked with the plethora of other game modes and alternative maps, and so went off and did some of those instead. I also stumbled across some of the “accessibility modes” in the options, so have set the game speed to 60% which makes some of the really hard sections a lot easier. I suppose it’s cheating, but meh – whatdahyahgonnado?

Mario Kart 7 (3DS)

There was a patch for this in the week, so I decided to give it another try online. Had some great games with randoms, and I didn’t even come last most of the time. Unsurprisingly, not a single person chose to play the now-fixed (thanks to the patch) Wuhu Loop track, which certainly made it more varied. I think I was suffering from nasty lag though, as some of the other racers appeared to be invincible to my shells, or seemed to get blown up randomly even though nothing seemed to hit them. That’s my connection though, not the game.

Skylanders (360)

I’ll post more about this another time, but it arrived today and my daughter thinks it’s amazing. I enjoyed the half and hour or so I played it for too, so could be a hit. Glad I got it for about £19 though, not the £60 or whatever it was when it came out last year.

Rayman Origins (Demo) (3DS)

Oh! It looks so lovely!

So since I last played, I’ve made my way to Windhelm (although didn’t do much there apart from get roped into a quest for an orphan who is a psycho), and then onto Winterhold from there. In Winterhold I joined Hogwarts, and went excavating some ruins or something. Read about zleventybillion books in the college, and then headed back to Whiterun for a bit.

I then realised that somewhere along the way, I’ve lost Lydia. No idea where, but I think the last time I saw her was when I was attacked by a dragon. She’s probably dead, but there’s no way of knowing if she is, or if it’s just a bug or something. Oh well.

I then went over to Riften, via a few mills and villages, and got attacked by a lot of bears and spiders. In Riften I completed a couple of quests, including killing the evil orphanage ruler for PsychoBoy, and now I’ve been given The Black Hand note. I think this is going to kick off the Dark Brotherhood questline.

I think I’ve also started a Thieves’ Guild one too, having stolen a ring and planted it on someone, as requested by some other guy in Riften.

I also now have 986289150962357 open quests. I will complete them all. YES.

Finally: I have no idea what I’m doing in the primary story quest any more. Or even which quest is the primary story quest.

Is it ace? YES.

Is it hard? OH GOD YES.

Look at my game record just there. 446 deaths. 446! And most of those were in the same section of the game – the “Doing Things The Hard Way” section. But, with perseverance, I managed to rescue my whole crew and complete the game.

Yes, I still have 6 (actually, 5 now since that screenshot) trinkets left to get, but I’ll get to them, I’m sure. Once completed, I then went on to play (and complete) Notch’s VVVV 4K version of the game (which, along with a load of other versions and modes is included), which was also excellent. And not as hard, thankfully.

If you’ve ever seen anything about 3D Dot Game Heroes, you’ll have noticed it bears more than a passing resemblance to Zelda. Albeit in fancy 3D block pixel form, anyway. Surely it doesn’t play like Zelda though? That would be a bit brazen.

Oh. It plays like Zelda too, and not just a bit: EVERYTHING is Zelda. The sound effects. The music. The plot. The baddies. The overworld. The dungeons. The weapons. Sure, some of the save features are a bit different, and of course the graphical style isn’t quite Zelda (although there have been many different styles in the Zelda series so it could just be another one…), but it’s Zelda in everything but name.

I even nearly called my hero “Link”.

It’s not just a clone of Zelda either. It even references Zelda directly in dialogue. The king gives you a sword, telling you it’s dangerous to go alone. A man in a cave says “it’s a secret to everybody!”, and so on. Brazen. Brazen!

There’s non-Zelda humour too, like in another cave where all the From Software (the game’s developers) folks hang out. There are also numerous references to Demon’s Souls, and how hard it is.

Of course, I’ve actually been playing it as well. I’ve got two pieces of Triforce^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^HOrb of Light (or whatever), and am near the dungeon where the third is hiding. It’s been great so far, if a little easy.

WE’VE NUKED THEM!

So that’s what I’ve done a lot this week. That, and cornering the enemy in a useless sector of the map, with nought to defend themselves and no resources to create anything, before slaying them horribly with four pikemen, a cannon, and 150 jet fighters.

WE’VE WON!

Also, Mega-lo-Mania is the best source of soundbites ever. “We’re running out of elephants” (actually elements, but the quality isn’t great), “No I don’t think so” (in a super-camp voice) and “Towwer cwitical!”. Awesome.

Completed it overandoverandover this week. And not once did any of the CPU players manage to hibernate any men for the final battle. Tch.

Anyway, I finished it today. I was surprised how many of the tracks I still remembered – even those that haven’t resurfaced on later Mario Kart games. Strangely, though, some of them’s very existence seems to have been wiped from my brain. Sky Garden? I was convinced that was a Konami Krazy Racers track. Yoshi Desert? Er, don’t remember that.

Oh yeah, and once I’d completed it I realised that I’d never used the jump button (there’s a jump button?!). Oh well!

And so it came to pass, that last week I bought some cheap games from one shop, took them straight to Game to trade in for £10 for more than I paid for them, and walked out with Skyrim for a net spend of £17. Bargainlicious.

Is it good? No. It’s awesome.

I was a bit concerned that, after Fallout and New Vegas, I wasn’t going to get on with the lack of VATS combat, no guns, and no excellent 1950s radio station. I mean, I loved Oblivion, but things have moved on. Thankfully, it has been nothing but amazing so far. The combat is fine. Dual-wielding magic and swords feels great, and picking every flower, berry and mushroom is a wonderful return to Oblivion OCDness. I don’t even need them as I’m not really going the alchemy route. Not yet, anyway.

What I am doing is trying to stick to the main story. What I’m also doing is failing this, having deviated to find some dragon claw or something at some old Nord temple just 50 minutes into the game. Oh well.

I’ve slain my first dragon, learned some Words of Power (shouting at things can kill them? uh…) and done lots and lots of turning iron daggers into fine iron daggers. Oh yeah, I’m a blacksmith as well as a magician swordfighter who can destroy by shouting. Lovely.

Oh, and the Nord accents? Utterly superb in their rubbishness. Some of them are the worst Norwegians ever! It doesn’t matter, of course.

Then it becomes a different sort of platform game, which is more puzzley (you have to figure out how to rotate the playfield to progress), and somewhat explorey as you search for  cubes and bits of cubes which eventually open doors.

As you wander the game world, which is mostly lovely with bouncey-bright colours and blue skies and stuff, you take in the architecture. The markings on the walls. The pictures and posters in the rooms. Then you realise – they’re not just for show. They’re telling you things. Secret things.

In fact, there’s a whole alphabet to decipher, a counting system, and even a set of shapes that correspond to buttons on your controller. Figuring these all out, and what to do in certain rooms with these clues and others, is where the real game is. Getting 32 cubes and seeing the end? That’s just platforming. Exploring and getting 100% is a totally different game, with a different way of playing and even a different set of rules and ways of looking at things. Two games in one, pretty much.

It’s funny too, and filled with references to other games. One of the areas of the game is all original Gameboy monochrome too, and accessed via a pipe. The way your hypercubeic guide says “Hey, Listen!” in a homage to Navi was great as well.

Getting the first 32 cubes to complete the game, like I did today, is fun and mostly simple. There’s no real fear of death (you always respawn instantly on the last solid platform you were on), so you don’t have to worry about pixel-perfect jumps. There’s nothing especially tricky, and you don’t even hit many puzzles before the end sequence. After that, in New Game+ (where you restart the game, keeping everything already gained and with the map kept as “open” as before), the puzzles and real quirky stuff starts properly. I’ll certainly be trying to get 100% in this, as it’s fantastic.

Sadly, the game is tinged slightly with silly bugs and performance issues. It’s too easy to “fall out” of the world, especially inside rooms. Moving from area to area is often really jerky, and the sound frequently breaks up. It’s easy to get stuck in a “death loop” where you respawn in an area that instantly kills you, and at least twice I got killed by acid at the same time as being sucked into a black hole, which hangs the game. Still, you never lose more than a few seconds progress, so it’s just a bit disappointing when the rest of the game is so very, very good.

Batman: Arkham City (PC)

Despite the hassle it is to set up (all those cables and adapters and begging Windows to let audio go out the HDMI port please), and the fact it’s a PC game, I’m still enjoying it. It feels like driving a car when you know one of the wheels is going to fall off at some point. You enjoy the ride, but are on edge that at some point you could well end up in a ditch on your roof.

I’m also finding that, even though the world is clearly much more open than in Arkham Asylum, and obviously massively bigger, the game feels much more linear and is apparently just a set of fetch quests. There’s no real Metroidvania-ness like in the original either. That said, it is still utterly compelling to play, and I’m really enjoying it. I just feel that if it was on the 360 I’d be enjoying it even more!

In terms of progress, I’ve just completed the terrible, terrible trials bit given to me by Ra’s al Ghul (the only bad bit of the game so far, really).

The Sims 3 (3DS)

Look. It was £8 in Sainsburys. We shall say no more.

Except that it’s still fun setting fire to your house, calling the fireman, waiting for him to enter the house, then getting rid of all the doors.

Super Pokémon Rumble (3DS)

Still shallow. Still fun. Getting a little bit hard now, too. Especially since I was defeated by a boss, and thought – no way can I beat him. Only to find that you’re not supposed to yet and it’s all part of the story.

Motorstorm RC (PS3)

Pretty much the only thing I play on my PS3. It’s awesome. Not done all the tracks yet, but every now and then I sit down and clear a few. It’s getting pretty difficult now though, with a good half an hour on one of the tracks spent not even clearing bronze, let alone anything better!

Zen Pinball (3DS)

I haven’t played this in a while, but have got back into it this week. I’ve purposefully avoided the Shamen table (which was my favourite) to try and improve my scores elsewhere, and have focussed mainly on Excalibur. I think I may have passed a point where I know how to actually play the table now, so I expect great things. Or not.

The Legend of Zelda (3DS)

DAH DAH DAH DAAAAAAH!!

I have no idea why I picked this up last night, but I did. And got as far as the first piece of triforce. It’s lovely.

Rhythm Thief (Demo) (3DS)

I think I may actually use up the number-of-plays limit on this demo. It’s utterly fantastic. It’s like a mix of Space Channel 5, Osu! Tatakae! Ouendan! and Rhythm Heaven, with a sort of Moonwalker/Smooth Criminal vibe. Really, really want the full game. And it’s by Sega?! Hell has frozen over.

Something else odd was how much easier the puzzles were in this one. I’ve not done them all yet (I think I’ve completed about 105 out of the 155 main ones), but I’m sure that the final few puzzles in the other games have been worth 80 and 99 picarats. Highest here was just 60, and I don’t think I’ve seen any over that yet either – not even the (usually harder) hidden puzzles. I might be wrong, but I certainly didn’t struggle on any.

Aside from two side puzzle ones. Oh my do I hate those. I’m still stuck on the UFO SOS one, but one involving pipes, which could supposedly be completed in about 30 moves, took me over SIX THOUSAND. Urgh. Hate them.

I’ve a few more train and fish (um, that makes sense if you’ve played the game) puzzles left, about half the weekly puzzles, and of course the remaining 50 or so main game puzzles, but as usual I’ll leave them for a while and come back another time.

With a machine capable of playing it, and an offer of Arkham City for £11.60 (when the 360 version is still £20+), and a promise that you can just use a 360 controller and plug it into a TV, I was tempted enough to get it. And yes, all those things work.

I’ll get onto the game in a minute, but even with all the 360-fication of this PC game (controller, “Xbox” Live, TV), it still feels wrong. It doesn’t feel like I’m playing it on a console. I’m not even sure that, graphically, I’m far ahead of the 360 version either. And let us not forget the journey getting here.

Thankfully, the game is great. I wouldn’t say worth it, as I get the nagging feeling I’d rather be playing it on the Xbox, but yes – it’s great. It took a while to click, as I was still in Assassin’s Creed mode, and so took three hours to stop pressing RT to run (it just makes Batman crouch) and pressing the wrong buttons to bring up the weapon (or rather, gadget) selector.

But I’m mostly over that, and swinging round a room, taking out baddies one by one, scaring the bejesus out of those who remain. Lovely. Less lovely are the Catwoman sections, but they’re not too bad as to ruin it. They may yet though – I’m only up as far as finding Mr Freeze.

I’m not very far in yet. Just 5 puzzles, in fact (6 if you include the puzzle with the ropes that isn’t a puzzle), but it’s all very familiar so far. Which is good, because I like Professor Layton games

Anyway, that’s pretty much all the non-multiplayer achievements done, aside from a few I really can’t be bothered with (not least because some of them involve playing the first person bits again!), so time to move on to something else, whilst waiting for Assassin’s Creed III…

Here be spoilers:

You start off on a sand dune. You’re some sort of girl (possibly) wearing a scarf. There’s a mountain in the distance which you have to walk to. On the way, you find some flying pieces of rag, which power up your scarf and make you able to jump and glide until the Magic Scarf Energy runs out – after which you need to charge it up again. I think. I’m not entirely sure.

There are what seem like ancient ruins. Sometimes things trigger if you press the Shout A Glyph button near them. There are glowing things that make your scarf longer. Every so often there’s a sort of altar or something which you sit in front of and Kaonashi from Spirited Away appears, nods at you and you get some sort of tapestry story telling you vaguely about the next bit of the game. Probably.

Along the way, other players who you cannot communicate with appear, and you can walk with them. If you walk closely to each other, you recharge your scarves. Apart from that, they seem to serve little purpose.

There are bit of rag, rug, carpet and scarf everywhere. When you “arouse” them by Glyphshouting, they do stuff. Some become creatures, some become bridges, and others just sway or let you jump up them.

You progress through different areas “solving” incredibly simple puzzles, mainly by (again) Glyphshouting at… things. There are a couple of snowboarding sections in the game too, for reasons I don’t understand. Eventually you reach the foot of the mountain and there’s snow and wind and you almost die whilst walking very, very slowly up it.

Then you complete it, and get sent back to the beginning ready to do it all again.

An utterly incomprehensible game, and for that reason I’m going to rate it six and a goose quarks out of lime.

Besides that, I’ve now collected all of the Animus data fragments (thankfully, once you’ve found 50 the other 50 appear on the map), all the Memoir pages, all the books bar those horrifically overpriced ones in Cappadoccia, which I’m now saving up for whilst buying the last few buildings in Constantinople. All the shops are mine, and I’ve finished the Vlad the Impaler’s Prison DLC too.

Awesome.

I am a big fan of your historically almost-accurate hood-wearing murderous free-runner simulators, but despite having played your three most recent in relatively quick succession and anxiously anticipating the finale of the “Ezio Trilogy” and its associated Revelations, I was shocked to discover that you seem to have forgotten to include any.

Unless, of course, I have to unlock them by playing this poor Welltris/Mirror’s Edge minigame to completion, which, frankly, isn’t going to happen. Not least because it is the worst thing in all of creation.

Once I’d sat through the 462 minute long end credits sequence, where you name each and every person who ever existed throughout the entirety of time and space, before switching on a random name generator and churning out another 14 billion people who never existed throughout the entirety of time and space, I was still awaiting any form of revelation. But none came.

Unless no revelation was the revelation? How very meta of you!

Anyway. Keep up the good work. I hope to be completing Stabby Hood Tomahawk Man Death III later this year.

Love,

deKay xxx

I saw it cheap yesterday, and picked it up.

And it’s lovely. Sure, it’s shallow and repetitive. I’ve not done much so far other than wander round smacking A and sometimes pressing X to swap pokeymen. You know what though? It’s fun just doing that. Collecting (“befriending”) other toy pokeymen and getting better pokeymen and smashing their cute little faces in.

I’m just about to enter the second Battle Royale now, so not far in yet. I’m hooked though.

With THPS HD on the way soon, I was itching for some proper THPS gaming in preparation. So I dug out my Wavebird, a GC memory card, and THPS3, and jammed them all in my Wii.

GLORIOUS GAMING ENSUED. RAPTURE.

I do wonder if THPS3 is actually the best game ever made ever. Ever. Ever.

After a few more hours, though, I’m finding it excellent again. I’ve adjusted to the controls and new weapons (I don’t bother with the bombs), and it’s all become business as usual. Marvellous.

Until I unlocked and decided to do a “Desmond Chapter”. Oh dear.

Who decided that a first person platforming puzzle game would be a good fit squeezed into a third person free-roaming stabby stealth action game? This and the tower defence bits of the main game just don’t fit. Silly.