2005 Entries

1D Noughts and Crosses

Paul E. Collins

Starglider’s Review:

Simply put, it’s The classic game, but with a grid of just one line. So all you’ll ever get is a draw. you don’t have to even play the game to know that, but being fair I did play at least one game, and it’s good that the game ends in a STOP statement after
announcing the inevitable.All in all, a fairly respectable 6/10

Dunny’s Review:

Now this is obviously flawed from the outset. 1D means just that – a row of three squares, with you battling a fiendish computer opponent trying to get a row of three of your “counters”. No prizes for guessing what the problem there is then.You take your turn, choosing square 1, 2, or 3. The computer then thinks for a short while before making it’s choice. As there’s only one square left after this, you are limited to where you can go next – and the computer only offers you one choice in any case.

After Paul E Collins’ first fantastic entry with his invaders clone, this leaves a lot to be desired. It’s as though he’s tried his hardest to come up with an obviously crap game, which is indeed “crap to the max”. However, he gets no points for this kind of tactic as it’s just not on. Taking a game and trying your hardest to implement it well, and utterly failing in the process is the way to gain crap points – you can’t start out with the intention of being crap. So a score of 2/10 crap points for this entry.

Kilroy’s Caravan Capers

Michael McLarnon

Starglider’s Review:

I played this game twice, didn’t get it, then broke into the basic listing to find out the point… there isn’t one! You tell the game how many gypsy caravans Kilroy sees, and then the game draws some caravans and then says the Kilroy died! Erm…

5/10 – fairly average effort!

Dunny’s Review:

Again, we have an entry which has started off with the intention of being utter crap from the outset. The story has it that Robert Kilroy-Silk has woken up one morning to see Gypsies in his garden. He has to save his grounds from the evil travelling-folk in order to win the game.You are asked how many caravans does Kilroy see… And then that number of caravans are displayed on screen in true BASIC DRAW and CIRCLE greatness. Unfortunately, choosing 1 caravan sometimes locks up the game in an endless loop, but that’s only an intermittent bug and can be dismissed. The situation is then evaluated, and poor old Kilroy-Silk’s status is displayed. As even one caravan is enough to kill him, the game gets tiring very quickly. There’s no game to speak of, and the sum total of your input is choosing the number of caravans.

This had the potential to be reasonably good (in a crap sense) had the author not succumbed to the temptation that befalls nearly all crap game authors – to start with the intention of creating a crap game.

Because of this, he gets 1/10 crap points, as it doesn’t even match up to the level of gameplay found in other “intentionally crap” games.

Bus Shelter Destroyer

Michael McLarnon

Starglider’s Review:

A simple game that you can’t lose, due to stupid programming! Ace! if the programmer had bothered to put line 410 before line 370, there would’ve been a rather boring game.So this is a tricky one. Was it intentional, or was it deliberate? I’ll have to average this one and give it a 6/10, because let’s be honest, it’s a pretty crap game either way!

Dunny’s Review:

This game has you as the usual bored child so often seen hanging around bus shelters (we’ve all been there, let’s admit it) with nothing better to do than kick the crap out of it. And that’s the plot. You have to destroy, by the skillful application of your boot, the bus shelter that keeps old ladies dry whilst waiting for the number 305 into town.After a small introduction, a badly rendered bus shelter is displayed, and your kick strength cycles from 0 to 10 rapidly. Hitting “K” will stop the counter and deliver the kick. Although pretty much any strength will do (which accurately describes the construction quality of council bus shelters) you can
hurt yourself if you don’t apply sufficient force. Having destroyed the shelter, you then head off for a smoke and a quick chat with the many admiring “slags” around you.

As with so many CSSCGC entries, there’s just no effort put in. You can’t really do much other than succeed, and it would seem that the whole game is an excuse for poking fun at the kids that do this sort of thing. Not a high scorer, I’m afraid. 2/10.