On the Internet at the Dawn of Time #1

On the Internet at the Dawn of Time #1

As an addition to my other “dawn of time” occasionals, I thought I’d bring you this – a contribution to the BBC’s “h2g2”. As you may know, h2g2 was set up to be an actual real version of the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (hence the name). In fact, it pretty much became a forerunner to Wikipedia, and in the last few years it seems to have been mostly abandoned in favour of it.

Anyway, In 1996 I came up with a “hilarious” new product – the Lard Bar. Initially, its tagline was “It costs a pound to make you round”, but this price was revised to 30p when I realised that other similar confections (Mars, Twix, etc.) were nearer that figure and the chocolate snack marketplace was too crowded to support a premium price point for a new product.

Yes, this was far too much detail for something that didn’t exist.

So I posted my product on h2g2. For some reason, the date is listed as 1999, but I think that might be because of some technical changed made to h2g2 around then.

I have come up with this great new snack – ready to take the world by storm. All I need is a bit of cash from some gullib- er, willing ‘business partners’ (silent, of course). I propose the following: The Lard Bar(tm) —————- Des: A small oblong length of Top Quality Lard, coated in smooth milk chocolate. Cost: About 30p Variations on this are the Caramel Lard Bar(tm), Biscuit Lard Bar(tm) and Dark Chocolate Lard Bar(tm). Currently under plan are the equally delicious-sounding White Chocolate Lard Bar(tm) and the ‘yummy’ Pork Scratching Lard Bar(tm). Any takers? You’ve got to be able to stump up a couple of grand by christmas, waver all rights to a fair deal, and be completely hatstand. (c) + ™ AK Enterprises Ltd.

Amezin, yes?

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