So this was on Channel 4 at the weekend.¬¨‚Ć Actually, I watched it on Channel 4 +1.¬¨‚Ć No, that’s not “Channel 5”, but rather Channel 4, again, one hour later than “standard” Channel 4. Do other countries do this? Anyway – the review!
The plot is generic Christmas nonsense. Man (Howard, played by Arnie) promises son a Turboman doll (or rather, “action figure”) for Christmas, leaves it until Christmas Eve to bother buying it, and OMFG NO! It’s sold out! Everywhere! Man embarks on silly quest to obtain said doll, whilst some other guy he somehow manages to bump into over and over and over does the same. Oh, and Howard has to make it in time for some Christmas parade for his son too.¬¨‚Ć Bloody spoiled brat.
The film includes scenes where Santa gets punched in the groin, an elf gets punched in the groin, a police officer gets punched in the groin, Howard gets kicked in the groin, a reindeer gets punched in the face and the groin, Howard (again) gets punched in the groin, and The Other Guy gets punched in the groin.
There’s also a parallel plot involving recent divorcee and Simpsons regular Phil Hartman (who was killed by his wife in real life, presumably not for his role in this film) who is trying to get in Howard’s wife’s undergarments.
Anyway. It goes without saying that over the course of the 90 minutes everything goes wrong, but everything ends up OK. Hurrah for happy vomity-sick endings!
I would like to know why, during the film’s “climax”, Turboman manages to crash through a family having Christmas dinner, despite it being Christmas Eve and not Actual Big Jesus Day.¬¨‚Ć If I were in a cinema, I’d have stormed out in disgust.
Verdict: 2/5
You’ve clearly only been watching every fourteenth frame of this movie because it is quite simply oozing awesomeness. It was, after all, written by the guy who wrote Eight-Legged Freaks.
Did I say it wasn’t awesome? It has Arnie in it, so can’t be anything but awesome!
Still crap though.