That’s nothing. My Gold account expires next month, and on the dashboard I’ve got that offer of a month’s Gold for a quid. Great, I have about £1.50 in my account that I’ll probably never use (what can you buy for a pound on Xbox?); might as well take them up on that.

Nope. Can’t. No error messages, but an MS account just isn’t a “valid payment method” for a Gold account apparently.

I knew getting mixed up with Microsoft was Trouble back when I bought my 360, but hey… it’s only games, right? Well, screw ’em. I was debating with myself whether to stay on for another year because it’s really only Games With Gold that’s keeping me if I’m honest, but that’s put the tin lid on it. MS’s plan to keep me on Gold has actually led to me leaving, purely through their own, typically Microsoftian, hamfisted execution.

“By “naturally”, of course, I mean I had to change a load of settings in my Microsoft Profile and remove my credit card from my account, otherwise the swines would renew it automatically.”

Oh, yeah. Tell me about it. I have never had as much trouble dealing with any company as Microsoft. My 360 is the only MS product I’ve ever owned. It’ll stay that way.

Which is a shame, because apart from the company’s byzantine bureaucracy, I liked the console. It’s probably – no, definitely – my favourite of all. It could have been the thing that showed me that MS aren’t that bad after all. I preferred its update system to the PS3’s. And the controller. (I’m still using one on my PC.) The uncharacteristically generous update that allows you to attach any USB storage device was a godsend: I have all my GWG games on an external drive. It’s a great machine. If only it wasn’t made by a company I wouldn’t trust to run the proverbial piss-up in a brewery.