Bayonetta (Wii U)

Tentacles? Why did it have to be tentacles?

Bayonetta
Manneken Pis
Um. What.

There’s a plot? Well obviously there is a plot about Bayonetta somehow losing her memory then meeting Jeanne and realising she has something to do with her past, but apparently there’s a lot more to it than that. Firstly there’s the guy she keeps calling Cheshire who can’t always see her (something about there being three dimensions that are laid on top of each other that Bayonetta can travel between yada yada), who says she killed his parents and then some little girl (with magic dimension-crossing glasses on) turns up and starts calling her Mummy? I have no idea what’s going on with the story.

Or with the fighting most of the time, truth be told. I’ve tried doing the combo training during the loading sections, but I don’t understand what a white dot in the combo chain means, and I’m not sure why when I press Punch Punch Punch Punch Punch I actually get a Punch Punch Punch Punch Kick combo. Who knows? It doesn’t seem to matter.

Motorbike
It’s just like that bit in Grease 2.

There was a level on the world’s longest road (it reminds me of that terrible driving level on Sonic Adventure 2, actually) which I rode a motorbike. It was quite good fun, sliding under closing fire doors in the tunnels and jumping exploding tankers and doing loop-the-loops up and around bridges, but it went on. And on and on and on. Forever, or at least an approximation of it. Finally I blacked out or something and when I came to I was on the next level.

Some interesting boss fights have occurred, including a giant ball with loads of heads and those heads have tentacles coming out of their mouths. As you do. There have been a few platforming sections as well, which were a mixed bag, and for some reason I ended up in Vigrid yet again. And supposedly Nintendo are the kings of asset reuse.

Victoria
Victoria from Life is Strange makes an ill-fitting cameo.

Still, it is a lot of fun. The bonkers fighting and guns and the over the top punishments and demon executions are excellent and some parts of the game look utterly gorgeous. I have, however, been warned the final boss is a bit of a git though, and as such you will have to wait for a proper judgement.

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