Just like 1000m before it, 1500m is plainly not possible. Except 1000m was, it seemed. Anyway, 1500m can’t be done. FACT. I got to 1200m or so, and died.
I got a new video capture device today, so I thought I’d test it with my Famicom. And I then spent an hour playing (and losing) Mahjongg on it. Bah.
I’m sure this game cheats. You start with 27,000 points, and over the course of about 10 rounds, I lost them all to the computer. I won just one round, and only got about 500 points for that. Cheeky cheating computer. Boooo!
Due to PC transplantation duties, I didn’t play this for long. It certainly seems a bit bizarre, and I’m not sure it’s a puzzle game that my brain can cope with. Nevertheless, I managed a score of over 100,000 on one of the game modes. The one that says “0-100” on it at the beginning. Don’t look at me like you don’t know.
1000m BEAT! Hurrah! I used items again, but then, the game is obviously impossible without them. I’ve unlocked Anna now too, who sounds about 50 years old, yet looks 12. Now onto the 1500m level, which exists only for Namco to mock me further.
I found an easy way to make money today – taking photos. Get at least two “lights” on the camera, and take a picture. Then, take your snaps to the geeky guy in the library and he’ll pay you for them, $1-per-light, for a fee of $1-per-photo. The cheerleaders all in one shot gets you $4 this way, so you can rack up the money fairly easily.
Won over Zanna, by beating her at strip-trampolining (as you do), and they then produced a jetpack from nowhere and flew off into the sky. I then wooed Luba, whom you can’t even speak to unless you’re drunk. This makes the “making smalltalk” mini-game impossible, since you’re drunk. Luckily, you stop being drunk, but still play again if you fail. Then it was onto some trampolining (again) and quarters (again). Why do you have to play one of two silly mini-games for every single girl? Stupid. Anyway, I “completed” Luba in the end, although not in the way you might expect. I’m ready for the next round of Swingles then. Joy.
Great. I got up to 955m this time, and died. Again. I’m sure someone at Namco is laughing at me. I hate them.
Hmm. I need to get better at the (frankly, bizarre) mini-games, I think. Specifically, the hand-slappy one, which I lost to Harriet. Three times. I don’t even understand what you’re supposed to do to slap her hands, never mind actually win!
Also “entertained” Ione and talked to Russian buffalo-girl Zanna, who I also had to save from immigration officials. As you do.
I’d played an hour or two of this filthy, shallow, repetitive, addictive Xbox game before Christmas, and decided to make it my next game (after Paper Mario 2) to play. It’s, er, a little different to Paper Mario 2 as well.
Chatted up Ione for a bit, and found the cognac she was after (a drunk hip-hop tramp had it, of course), and played quarters with her. As you do. Beat her, but she wasn’t up for much “more”, so I wandered round campus a bit. Spoke to some other woman outside, and played quarters with her too, and beat her. Then she went and hid somewhere.
Bought some unlockables from the library too. Computer generated nudity isn’t really as great as you might think.
985m! Gah! SMASH SMASH SMASH!!
I must be on a roll this weekend! Once Gloomtail was out of the way, I did wonder if Paper Mario 2 was going to suffer from The SuckySuck(TM) bit that many games do; namely, recycle all of the bosses one after another before the end boss (see Feel the Magic, Viewtiful Joe, etc.). Luckily, it didn’t.
Between Gloomtail and the end, there was a fairly long puzzley bit, and then it was muliple-boss time. Grodus, Bowser, Kammi, and then
. And then the longest end of game sequence EVAAR. But it was best, and so am I. Obviously.
HAHA! 800m, consider yourseilf PWNED. I used a stack of items though, so it probably doesn’t count. But I don’t care as it’s the closest I’m going to get, I expect. Unlocked Holinger-Z (who is “zed”, not “zee” – hurrah for the correct pronunciation of letters!) and had a go of 1000m with him. No chance. Ever.
Then my batteries died. Which is, of course, the real reason I failed to do 1000m. Yes.
With Zoo Keeper now le completé, I went back to Mr Driller. It is TOO HARD. FACT.
I can’t do 800m for the life of me, even with extra items. 400m down and I’m dead. Or less. How I’ll ever manage 2000m is beyond me.
And I didn’t even know you could complete it! It turns out there are only 20 levels in the main game, and once you finish them, you win. There then follows a slightly disturbing end of game sequence, involving love, death, children, animals, and the dark decent into overpowering insanity. No, really. It’s like, deep, man.
Cripes. 8 puzzle rooms in one building? The “clues” don’t really help either, but luckily one or two are obvious, and the others are made easier by Goombella effectively telling you exactly what to do. Thank god for that, eh?
After that, it’s on to another bit of Shadow Castle thingie, and Gloomtail. Who killed me, as I forgot to heal up before opening a door. Ooops.