Mr Driller: Drill Spirits

I’m really getting annoyed with this now, since I’m getting worse and not better. I could only manage 957m on the 2000m run today. That’s less than halfway there. Rubbish. I think I shall be writing a letter.

Dear Namco,
Mr Driller: Drill Spirits is impossible, despite what Steve Jackson says. You suXX0r.
Loev, deKay.


Went on two quests today. The first was a fairly long one, into the Bandit Camp to find out more about my lost sister. Of course,

Spoiler Inside SelectShow
, which wasn’t entirely unexpected. Getting there took longer than it needed to, as I fought my way through the Darkwood again to get there, when I could have just teleported to Oakvale and cut the journey short. Before getting into the camp at all, there was a stealth bit (and I hate stealth bits), but luckily I found you only need to hide in one place and leg it at an appropriate time. And then collect bandit garb to pass as a bandit. Twinblade was the boss at the end of the quest, and I killed him fairly easily one I figured out his moves. I spared his life, ‘cos I’m nice.

Back to the Guild, and spent some XP, and then went out to find the Archeologist. To get past a door demon thingie, I had to spell out the door’s name using some rocks. The rocks were H, I, D and S, but the name was HITS. Stupid lisping rock voice. Of course, I spelt SHID to see what happened, and was attacked by two Balverines. Archeologist found, job done.


After adding buffness to my character, I’m now strong enough to wield my Greatsword. It’s still a bit slow, but the damage is higher. Spend a while in the woods killing things to get experience, concentrating on using my bow and magic where possible.

Afterwards, I went round the town trying very hard to get girls to like me. Lots of them got big hearts over their heads, and one even kept being suggestive by saying “I am sooooooo tired!” and “Take me, I’m all yours!”. Sadly, I couldn’t figure out what to do to get to next base, and they eventually walked away. I tried the same thing with some men in the Guild (impressing them with my “manly arm pump” worked well), but didn’t get very far there either. So I saved my game and killed everyone, before turning off the Xbox.


Since I’m a Right Proper Hero now, I thought I’d best do some Right Proper Heroing. Off I trundled to a nearby town, and talked to all the local laydees. I then examined a bookcase in a house, only to find it wasn’t “examining”, but “stealing”, and the guards ran after me. And hit me with swords. Gah – I was trying to be nice as well.

Managed to get away (I couldn’t pay the fine as I didn’t have the money) and went back to the Guild, and explored the shop there. Settled on a Greatsword, which I rushed out to kill wasps and beetles with. Except, it’s too heavy for me so I can only drag it along the ground. Tch. I have a new Fireball spell too, although it doesn’t seem to be very powerful.

After a few short quests (and beating up Whisper), I started on a longer one, escorting some traders through the Darkwood. One of them turned into a nasty black demon thingie, which was nice. Then I was attacked by a huge troll thing, which was laughably easy to kill with my bow. And then I reached Oakvale! The village I started the game in. So much for “everyone except me” dying, as I learn that my sister is still alive, and I bumped into some people who are still there from before. Stupid plot holes.


After some suggestions on, I decided to make a start on Fable. And what a strange game it is. The first thing to hit me was the accents – every English dialect appears to be covered. The next thing was the bizarre shadows on people’s faces, as if there are invisible light sources than keep moving. Very odd, and a little off-putting, especially when coupled with the Daz-enchanced Whiter Than Whiteness of my clothes. But I digress. Went round doing good deeds and trying to beat up chickens. Resisted the urge to smash some barrels although I was being coaxed into doing it. Told a woman about her cheating husband, and listened in on the resultant argument – “My mother was right about you!”. Made some money, and bought my sister some chocolates.

And then the bandits came and killed everyone. Hurrah! And what manly men they were too. I was rescued from the lootin’ and pillagin’ by a tattooed freak called Maze, who took me to The Guild, where I was to train as a Hero. It reminded me of Oliver Twist, actually. Met the Guildmaster, who tells me where to go and how to train. He appears to have the same voice as Treguard from Knightmare, strangely. Spent a while training, with my stick and then sword, my bow and some lightning. I HAVE THE POWAAR!!

In this time, I grew up a couple of times too. And killed some beetles and bandits. And slapped Whisper the Jamaican Girl about a bit in the training ring. As you do. Then it was time to fight with Fagin, errr, Maze, and complete my “final test”. I did, and Whisper and I became full Heroes and gained the Guild Seal. Great, I think. Finally got to spend some experience points, so made myself a bit more buff, and trotted out of the Guild on my first quest – to kill evil wasps who are disrupting a picnic!

My mighty sword (and lightning) DESTROYED the feeble wasps and their Queen. I then nicked all the pickernick baskets, and laughed along with the locals, who call me a chicken chaser. Is that good or bad? Then wandered around a bit, and helped out a tramp by scaring away a bully by farting in his general direction. No, really. Now supposedly I have to go and meet Maze down’t pub. I hope there are more gay scousers in there – the ones I’ve met so far are ACE.

Mr Driller: Drill Spirits

2000m? Mr Driller says “No”.

Sonic Adventure DX: FINISH0RED

Well, that was quick. OK, so I’ve only finished it with Sonic, but from what I recall of the DC game, Tails’ levels are much the same, and everyone else is crap. Probably.

Although the last few levels were harder (except the actual last level – that was unnervingly easy for a Sonic finalĂ©), the only times I died were when the camera went squiffy or I just fell through seemingly solid scenery. Tch. The game tells me that I can also play with Big and E-102 now, should I feel that way inclined. I notice too that I haven’t unlocked any Game Gear games yet. I suspect I need more emblems, rings, or complete missions before I get them. I did try a few missions, but they seem to mostly be dull fetch quests. Great.

Anyhoo, that’s 5 games so far. Excellent, Ambassador.

Sonic Adventure DX

Three more action stages complete with Sonic. Or is it four? They all kind of went blurry. Icecap, Twinkle Park, and Speed Highway (or something) all finished. Found a gold Chao egg too, and hatched that. Really should name my Chaos now, since only Chewy has a name.

Oh yes, and did Sky Chase too. Which was easy. In fact, the whole game has been easy so far. Even the boss battle against Chaos 4 (what happened to Chaos 1-3 I don’t know) didn’t tax me. The fight with Knuckles was laughable, with him going “Oh no!” when I slapped him up. Mind you, he’s a controllable character now. And I can now play with Amy, apparently. Lucky me.

Mr Driller: Drill Spirits

How come I can only get as far as 1200m on the 2000m run now? Answers on a postcard…

Sonic Adventure DX

I never did complete Sonic Adventure on the Dreamcast, for whatever reason. Probably had something to do with having ten billion games or summat. Decided to give this a go, seeing as it has been sat on my shelf now for some four months or so.

Have finished three “action” levels with Sonic so far, which alarmingly seems to be 25% done (according to the saved game file). I know there are other characters, but still. An improvement over the DC original is the Free Camera using the C-stick. It doesn’t help much in the action levels, but in and around Station Square and Mystic Ruins (etc.) you really need it. Still camera issues though.

Hatched three Chao, including a silver one I found in Mystic Ruins near the waterfall. Named one Chewy, as I expect they are. Obviously spent the bulk of my play on the game today actually doing levels, finishing after the Casino when the game abruptly crashed. Tch.

Mr Driller: Drill Spirits

After many, many attempts, and the creation of all new curses, 1500m is PWNED. Although a staggering achievement, sadly 2000m still looms. Despite my best efforts, I can’t even break 1200m on that one, so once again impossibility sets in. Ho hum.

Leisure Suit Larry: ENDERIFIED

Wow. Four games in five weeks. That’s about as many games as last year in total, I think. Excellent.

So, the last round of Swingles meant a chat-minigame, which was easy right up to the last bit which was hard, meaning I failed twice and had to redo the whole three-minute chat again. And again. After that, I eliminated Barbera Jo (bouncy as she was), and moved on to a Dance-in-our-Pants minigame, which was pretty easy. Then the final decision: Morgan (D&D geek) or Suzi (S&M freak). Morgan it was. And onto the end. Aw, she loves me.

Luckily, the Porn Fairy can be found after you complete the game, and sells you the alternative endings so you needn’t do it all again. Thank god – I’m minigamed out.

Mr Driller: Drill Spirits

More feeble efforts. I managed 1074m on the 1500m run on one attempt – rubbish! Another attempt was even worse, with a rather apt 666m. Stupid game.

Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude

Looks like I’m nearly at the end of the game now. I had whirlwind romances with Barbera Jo (ended in a wet T-shirt competiton), Suzi (I joined her rock group and then spanked her), and Morgan. Morgan is by far the most bizarre of them, as she’s some kind of internet nerd, with whom I played strip-hand-slappy with, then the rudest game of Dungeons and Dragons you can imagine, and then finally we streaked campus. As they say in Americaland, “she has issues”.

Next step is the finals of Swingles. And then I’ll be free of annoying, repetitive minigames! Hurrah!

Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude

Managed to win over Harriet first, who is very scary indeed. Not least that she’s possessed by some kind of demon. Nor that she only wants me if I dress up as a tree. Anyway, I figured out an easy way to win the hand-slappy game, and so got the Token of Affection from her a little later. Next, it was on to Beatrice, the professor in the lab. This was even more wrong, as it involved swapping my brain with a sex-crazed monkey who wanted the professor as well. Wrongness.

Those two ladies done with, I took part in the next round of Swingles, which was a wet T-shirt contest. And was very easy. I’m now onto the final phase, which involves three girls this time. I’m met Suzi, but she wants me to accessorise my “cool” clothes, but I can’t find anyone selling accessories for it. Barbara-Jo let me speak to her if I wore accessorised “trendy” clothes, which I had, and challenged me to (yawn) more trampolining. I then had to prank phonecall her. Have more to do with her yet, and haven’t seen Morgan yet either.