Gaming Diary

I thought I’d beat a few more of Tim’s scores today, so did so. Specifically, Route 1. I then went and tried some of the Challenges, but failed on them all. They’re too hard. FACT.

Then something bizarre happened. I decided to try and beat Tim’s Route 4 score, so chose his ghost to race. All was well (aside from me being behind) until the first split in the road – I could only go left, as I expected, but Tim’s ghost went right. Through the big Go Left Arrows. How odd. I managed to beat his time, and uploaded my ghost and score, but they didn’t appear on the scoreboard. Very odd. So I tried again. This time I beat Tim by a good 10 seconds (although he went through the Go Left Arrows again), and once more I uploaded my ghost and score. And they didn’t appear on the scoreboard.

So I assumed Tim’s ghost was playing silly buggers, and chose someone else’s ghost to play again. Sure enough, the car went right when I could only go left, and my score didn’t appear on the table. I tried three more times, with other ghosts, and again – nothing.

Then I decided to try another route. Tim hadn’t set a score for Route 3, but I thought I’d give it a shot. Nice time, score uploaded, ghost saved. But what’s this? My score isn’t on the table. Instead, my time from Route 4 is listed for Route 3. Playing the same route again, against my own ghost confirms it – the ghost car takes a turn I can’t. And now it seems my Route 3 score is listed under Route 5!

What the hell is going on?

Spent a merry while slaying Tim Miller’s times on this, whilst simulaneously being whipped by others from ugvx. Damn your eyes, Kramer and Cowfields. Damn your eyes.

Well, it seems that hammering the buttons randomly all the way through the level is the way to go to defeat Ben-K. How rubbish.

With him out the way, I then had to fight him again – properly this time – and he was pretty easy. As was the girl I had to play a proper guitar to after that. Now I’m onto some skeletons, who start off like Ben-K (only the cues actually match the music this time, so it’s much easier), and then you have to defeat them normally. I got to Final, but didn’t manage it. I couldn’t time the short “strum” cues that came in a fast stream and so died. Boo.

No, it’s no use. I can’t get past the shark thing. I’ve spent too long getting annoyed at this game to bother with it any more. It’s a shame, as I enjoyed the music, but games are supposed to be fun – and this one I just want to burn.

In general, I like rhythm games. I liked Samba de Amigo, and Parappa the Rapper. I liked Donkey Konga, and I like Dancing Stage. This, however, is pants.

I’ve done the tutorial, and defeated three baddies. Not without some difficulty, though. It is as if the game is trying to be three rhythm games at once, and fails at all three. The backgrounds make it difficult to see your cues for starters. Even when they don’t, they’re difficult to follow partly because the cues are so small, and partly because they move so quickly. Some of the cues (in “defend mode” specifically) move at different speeds towards the centre of the screen, making it impossible to judge the order they’ll arrive. And, whilst watching one type of cue appear, another type appears off to the edge of the screen and flies in so fast you miss it. Think the Macarena track on Samba, on the hardest setting, and then poke yourself in both eyes whilst playing. It’s like that.

Then I had Ben-K, the Space Hammerhead Shark to defeat. It’s too fast, the cues swap order too close together due to differing speeds, and I turned it off in disgust. Rubbish, rubbish game.

Managed Level 20. Hurrah! Also managed 21-29. More hurrah! Sadly, 30-32 stumped me, although 33 was easy. And 34-40 are too hard. Brain hurting now.

I knew there was a puzzle mode lurking in there somewhere, and today I found it. Managed the first 19 puzzles, and am stumped on the 20th. The “Hint” kept putting me off, as it shows what you did last time, not what you should do – that really threw me.

Had a go at one of the Endless modes too for a while, but died far too quickly.

After taking over the hoods (again), and helping Cesar take back his hood too, it was time to cap Big Smoke. I stole a SWAT tank to bash down the wall to his “Crack Palace” and worked my way through it to find the guy at the top. A short shootout (in the dark), and Smoke was dead. Word, yo.

Then Tenpenny arrived, nicked all the money, and ran off after torching the place. I had to get out of the building while it was on fire, to find Tenpenny escaping on a fire engine. As you do. Sweet thought it best to leap onto the ladder of the fire engine, and so I had to chase it and catch him as he fell. An on-rails car chase/shootout ensued, ending with Tenpenny dead. Hurrah!

And that’s it. The end! You can still play afterwards, to do the side missions (like the quarry, the rest of the flying school, and the heist and stuff) but I’m not bothered with them. I did take one last look around San Andreas by plane, and then tried the Arco del Oeste jump on a PCJ-600 bike, only to fall short. Maybe one day I’ll return for stoppies, wheelies and stunts. But for now, g’night San Andreas.

Booyah, Polaski. I popped a cap in yo ass. Well, technically it was a rocket, but you get the picture. Sadly, I couldn’t take Tenpenny down at the same time, but he can wait.

Some more missions for The Truth opened up for me. First, I had to get inside Area 69 and steal a jetpack, and then I had to use it to follow a train and steal some “green goo” from a crate. Bizarre. I now have unlimited use of the jetpack though, which is nice.

I also got sent on a mission to Liberty City, which was pretty good. Although you only get to see a bistro, it is clearly the same one as in GTA III. Then I had to get Madd Dogg his mansion back from some drug dealers, which involved parachuting in with a load of Triads. And finally – Sweet is back out of jail and gangbanging in Los Santos is back on. I’m nearing the end. I can smell it…

Decided not to bother with the police bikes, as the heist probably isn’t part of the main story. Instead, I did some more missions for Toreno, which I didn’t realise were available to me until I saw the red glow at my airstrip. Had to fly a plane really low, under the radar, to some point and drop some stuff, then fly back. This was made harder by the twitchiest plane controls EVAR and the fact that the “minimum height” I had to fly at changed as the ground level did too. Not only that, but taking the most direct route took me across restricted airspace and I was shot at by heat seeking missiles.

Made it after a few attempts though. Another mission then involved chasing a plane, that was taking off, on a motorbike, and riding up into it’s cargo bay. Once on board, I had to dodge barrels Donkey Kong style (yes, GTA rips off another game), kill people, and drops charges before parachuting out of there.

More plane hijinks (and hijacks, in fact) on a mission for Ken, where I had to jump from a plane onto another plane, and kill everyone on board. Excellent.

My first mission this session was to save Madd Dogg from commiting suicide. This was a little odd, since I’d previously ruined his career and killed him manager. Oh well. Next, I carried on with some bits for the heist Carl and Woosie are planning – including jumping out of a plane over a dam, then planting charges in the dam to blow it up (at a later date, I assume) in order to kill Las Venturas’ power grid. Yes, much like the film really.

Came a bit unstuck when trying to “collect” police bikes, however. The mission is too hard as you don’t have enough time to get all four bikes (which are really spaced out) onto a truck (which keeps moving and is also miles from any bikes at any time. All in 12 minutes. I’d managed three – just – when my time ran out.

I safely recovered the two idiot band members this time, and took them to see some mafia bloke who is caught between three rival mafia families. Some double-agent type missions were then completed, including rescuing the guy I terrorised on the front of my car yesterday, and then killing everyone who worked for him. Bizarre.

I also have another girlfriend now, who I need to “woo” in order to gain a security card for a casino heist. That’s right – the game has gone all Ocean’s Eleven on me. Slightly disturbingly, I had to gain a gimp suit in order to make her my wo-mang. Or something. And then I flew a plane into The Clown’s Pocket. No, really.

MOST ANNOYING BIT EVAAR. It seems there’s a flying school mission at the airstrip I’ve just bought, so I went and finished that. It took AGES as it’s too hard. The plane controls are too twitchy, and when flying the helicopter the camera swings round to suit itself but not you, meaning you can’t see where you’re going, or what you’re shooting at. Stupid.

Anyway, that done, it was off to Las Venturas properly, to do some more missions for Woosie. This included one of the best missions so far – scaring the bejesus out of a guy by strapping him to the bonnet of your car and driving fast, erratically, and dangerously. Excellent.

The Truth got back in contact with me to ask me to find two “British band members” from Arco del Oeste, whom I managed to locate easily. They were very funny, especially the Manc one. Unfortunately, I needed a car to carry them both , and I had a bike. So off I ran to the nearest road to get a different vehicle, and legged it straight off a mountain and onto my head. Silly me.

So I did a few missions for this dodgy “government agency” guy in the desert, blowing up helicopters and buying an airstrip. Those soon ran dry, and it was back to stealing cars for Ceser in San Fierro. Very much like Gone in 60 Seconds. And, to add to Dance Theft Auto, and Splinter Nigga, not to mention the million and one further other-game-a-like sections, I get a Need fo’ Speed section. Complete with nitros and blur-o-vision.

But now I’m stuck. The only mission I can do is Zero’s Air Raid one, which I have been putting off for ages. And I can’t do it. Stupid RC planes and their bombs.

Spent a merry hour exploring the area I unlocked yesterday. This game really is rather big, isn’t it? I just wish I could nick a helicopter again now. I’d stolen one before, but I can’t go back and get it now as the airport is shut.

Also bumped up my SMG and sawn-off shotgun stats a bit. I should be able to dual-wield the sawn-offs soon enough!