Stuff I’ve been playing recently

Fable III (360)

It seems the best way to make money is to buy all the houses and shops, then just leave the Xbox on all day. So I did that. Now I have over 8 million gold, can pay off all my debts, and progress with the story. In doing so, I’ve revisited Aurora, pilfered a diamond from a cave, bought more shops and houses, and am now on the trail of a white Balverine in Silverpines.

I also changed my gun for a different one, because I realised that being able to do 79 damage was certainly better than just managing 33. Makes a bit of a difference.

Kirby’s Block Ball (3DS)

I’ve not bought a 3DS Virtual Console game in a while, but since I had to add some more money to my account to buy Mighty Switch Force (see later) I thought I’d pick up some. One was this, a Kirby Breakout game where some levels have paddles at the top and sides of the screen, and have baddies wandering round. After reaching World 4, I also realised you could activate Kirby’s powers by pressing B. That would have made earlier levels somewhat easier, non?

Trip World (3DS)

This was another 3DS VC game purchase. The video on the eShop made it look like fun, but I’ve no idea what I’m doing. You control (well, you try to control) a little cute catbunnyblobthing. Thing is, he doesn’t jump very far and there are spikes. I did, through random button mashing, did manage to turn him into a fish (useless) and a thing with big ears (which can sort of fly but then drops to the ground for no discernible reason), neither of which I can reproduce nor were they of any help.

Mighty Switch Force (3DS)

ACEBEST. So good, in fact, I rattled through the first 14 levels in half an hour. Then I found there are only actually 16 levels. This was a bit disappointing. However, I’ve spent over an hour since then and haven’t finished it yet as Level 16 is nuts.

In case you know nothing of the game, it’s a platform shooter puzzle game where the main “gimmick” is you press a button to make blocks move between the foreground and background. You can’t pass them when they’re in the foreground, but you can stand on them, and you don’t want to be moving them to the foreground when you’re standing in front of them. Unless they’re a special type of block. It’s all excellent though, and different to anything that looks vaguely similar.

Shinobi (3DS)

Picked this up cheap from The Game Collection the other day. It’s very much a 2.5D spiritual sequel to the Megadrive “Revenge of Shinobi” game. The graphics are sort of stark and plain, but it’s fun. For some reason it reminds me of the DS launch title Spiderman 2, though. Maybe it’s the graphic style and all the fire.

I’m stuck though. Went on a raft into a cave, then wall-jumped up to a higher level. Now there’s a huge gap to the left too big to jump, and I can’t latch onto the cave roof to get across that way because there are spikes. Hmm.

Samurai Warriors: Chronicles (3DS)

Very much a Mash Y And Sometimes X game, but it’s fun. There’s a hook to get me back in with the RPG elements (leveling up your character, merging weapons to make better ones, and so on) though, and you do have to have a bit of strategy in the game to ensure your allies aren’t overwhelmed by foes and die because you’ve wandered off to cause carnage elsewhere or because you didn’t run to their side when they asked you to. Well worth the £7 Morrisons (yes, them again) wanted for it anyway.

Fable III (360)

I’m now King.

That came about far quicker than I expected it to. I’ve not done that many side quests though, which might be why. I don’t know how far from complete this means I now am, but I’m guessing I’m half way there, perhaps?

First things to do as King: decide whether to execute my brother or not (I didn’t), then decide if I’m going to be an evil-for-their-own-good ruler or a loved-but-may-end-up-getting-everyone-killed ruler. This was mainly determined by my decisions on spending the castle funds, and since I went the “good” route, I’m now horribly overdrawn and somehow need to raise not only 6.5 million gold just to “win” against The Darkness (no, not the band), but also the 1.5 million or so I’m overspent by.

Or millions will perish. Sigh.

Now begins a tedious and dull run of making money before I can do the next bit of the story. Who thought that would be a good idea? Oh yeah, Peter Molyneux. Tch.

In other Fable news, I got married before becoming King, had a child (called Dave) and then moved my family into the castle once I was crowned.

Fable III (360)

However ill-advised it was to buy this, it was a(nother) Morrisons bargain and, well, how bad could it be?

It’s actually quite good so far. I’ve not played Fable II, so some of the initial story of this is lost on me. In addition, I have played the original Fable, and this doesn’t really play much like it. At least, it doesn’t seem to. It has been a while though.

So far, I’ve recovered my father’s music box (uh, right), and beaten the mercenaries (sparing their boss, who now seems to be an ally). Mostly though, I’ve been shaking hands with people, holding hands with people and trying to take them to bed, and playing Lute Hero. As you do.

I’m enjoying it, I think.


So it seems I was right near the end of the game then. Like, 30 minutes from it. Had to chase after Jack all over the place, being attacked by hordes of baddies on the way. Luckily, there were plenty of other heroes and guards and stuff around to take them on, so I just ran past them all. Eventually, I ended up at the Hall of Fate back in the Guild for the final showdown. Which was disarmingly easy. Chose not to keep the Sword (and kill my sister), and instead threw it into a vortex.

With the half-hour long credits sequence out of the way (which also listed the 50 or so babies born to Fable staff during the game production, amongst other things), I carried on playing for a bit. I did a few jobs for Lady Grey, found her necklace, beat Thunder for her cold heart, and married her (three wives now!), but now I don’t know what to do. Treguard keeps telling me to “check the Guild for more quests”, but when I get there it’s all blocked off and there are no quests to be had. I can’t even “select” the big Quest Map in the Guild foyer. Wandered round Albion for a bit, but I seem to have run out of interesting things to do. THE END then.


Before setting off on my next quest, I decided to figure out how you go about getting married. So, I wooed a lady in a bar in Bowerstone (as you do), and she eventually had a large heart over her head. I then gave her chocolates, and she suggested she might want a wedding ring. Once purchased, she then wanted a house! Tch. Anyway, bought a house and we were wed. Hurrah!

I then went to Oakvale and got married to another barmaid. Bigamy == BEST.

On with the quest then. Had to go to Darkwood and kill a load of Undeads (oh joy), to activate a teleporter, or rather “Cullis Gate” as they’re called. That took me to Hook Coast, where my way was blocked by a magic door. Returning to the Guild as instructed, my mother was kidnapped again, and I found a book with a spell to get rid of the door. Back to Hook Coast then, which by now was populated by banshees, it seems. Oh, and my sister was there too, held captive by Jack of Blades and [kind of obvious spoiler]. Jack made off with the Key that unlocks the Sword, and I killed off

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. Must be getting close to the end now…


Bit of a marathon session on this today, it seems. Started off this evening by visiting Lady Grey in Bowerstone. She wanted a black rose from me, and now wants me to buy a house. Sod that! Started a quest looking for the Archeologist again, who was held prisoner by some wierdy things with two headed staffs and blade-sticks. Some idiot guards joined me to help out, although most died.

After saving him, he told me where to find my mother, so off I went. This involved finding my way through a graveyard (full of constantly respawning undeads, gah), digging up graves and fishing (to find bits of armour), and working my way through to Jack of Blade’s prison. Where I found my mother but was promptly captured. And lost all my abilities and items. Had to do a race (twice) here, and finally escaped again, with my mother. She gave me some magic power thing, and left to find my sister. On to the next bit then….


RUBBISH. Even though I saved last night, I had to start the current quest all over again. That meant killing the wasps, Hobbes, and Balverines again. Bah. At least they didn’t take too long. After them, came some Bandits (easy), the Undead (very easy), two Earth Trolls (difficult, since when attacking one, the other hits you), two Rock Trolls (ditto, but worse) and then Arachanox. Regardless of his name, Arachanox is a scorpion, and was very easy to kill, once I managed to get away from being pinned against a wall unable to move for ten minutes. Then Jack of Blades declared Whisper and I winners, and I had to fight her.

Once she was down to almost no energy, I had to choose whether to kill her or walk away. I did the latter, and had a chat with Jack who gave me my prizes and told me about my mother (who is also alive – those Bandits didn’t seem to do a very good job of killing everyone at all). I seem to have acquired a Halo now too, and I’ve bought the title “Gladiator” as “Arseface” was annoying me.

Met up with my sister again, and killed some zombies. As you do.


I hate Balverines. Expecially when there are five of them together. And the quest I went on involved not only killing a load of them, but also slapping about a group of eight bandits, and finally killing a hulking great White Balverine (who kept summoning more normal Black Balverines). Of course, I did it because I am grate (and the game isn’t actually very hard).

Although, I reached the Arena for the quest after that, and after killing several waves of wasps and then Hobbes, it was onto more Balverines. And then four Balverines and a White one. Then five and two White ones. I was fighting alongside Whisper, however, so that helped (but only as a decoy – she’s crap). After killing them, it was back to the “rest area”, and I saved the game.

Oh yes, and I can now use some “Sexy Pose” thing. Which makes women weak at the knees. And everyone now calls me “Arseface”.


Went on two quests today. The first was a fairly long one, into the Bandit Camp to find out more about my lost sister. Of course,

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, which wasn’t entirely unexpected. Getting there took longer than it needed to, as I fought my way through the Darkwood again to get there, when I could have just teleported to Oakvale and cut the journey short. Before getting into the camp at all, there was a stealth bit (and I hate stealth bits), but luckily I found you only need to hide in one place and leg it at an appropriate time. And then collect bandit garb to pass as a bandit. Twinblade was the boss at the end of the quest, and I killed him fairly easily one I figured out his moves. I spared his life, ‘cos I’m nice.

Back to the Guild, and spent some XP, and then went out to find the Archeologist. To get past a door demon thingie, I had to spell out the door’s name using some rocks. The rocks were H, I, D and S, but the name was HITS. Stupid lisping rock voice. Of course, I spelt SHID to see what happened, and was attacked by two Balverines. Archeologist found, job done.


After adding buffness to my character, I’m now strong enough to wield my Greatsword. It’s still a bit slow, but the damage is higher. Spend a while in the woods killing things to get experience, concentrating on using my bow and magic where possible.

Afterwards, I went round the town trying very hard to get girls to like me. Lots of them got big hearts over their heads, and one even kept being suggestive by saying “I am sooooooo tired!” and “Take me, I’m all yours!”. Sadly, I couldn’t figure out what to do to get to next base, and they eventually walked away. I tried the same thing with some men in the Guild (impressing them with my “manly arm pump” worked well), but didn’t get very far there either. So I saved my game and killed everyone, before turning off the Xbox.


Since I’m a Right Proper Hero now, I thought I’d best do some Right Proper Heroing. Off I trundled to a nearby town, and talked to all the local laydees. I then examined a bookcase in a house, only to find it wasn’t “examining”, but “stealing”, and the guards ran after me. And hit me with swords. Gah – I was trying to be nice as well.

Managed to get away (I couldn’t pay the fine as I didn’t have the money) and went back to the Guild, and explored the shop there. Settled on a Greatsword, which I rushed out to kill wasps and beetles with. Except, it’s too heavy for me so I can only drag it along the ground. Tch. I have a new Fireball spell too, although it doesn’t seem to be very powerful.

After a few short quests (and beating up Whisper), I started on a longer one, escorting some traders through the Darkwood. One of them turned into a nasty black demon thingie, which was nice. Then I was attacked by a huge troll thing, which was laughably easy to kill with my bow. And then I reached Oakvale! The village I started the game in. So much for “everyone except me” dying, as I learn that my sister is still alive, and I bumped into some people who are still there from before. Stupid plot holes.


After some suggestions on, I decided to make a start on Fable. And what a strange game it is. The first thing to hit me was the accents – every English dialect appears to be covered. The next thing was the bizarre shadows on people’s faces, as if there are invisible light sources than keep moving. Very odd, and a little off-putting, especially when coupled with the Daz-enchanced Whiter Than Whiteness of my clothes. But I digress. Went round doing good deeds and trying to beat up chickens. Resisted the urge to smash some barrels although I was being coaxed into doing it. Told a woman about her cheating husband, and listened in on the resultant argument – “My mother was right about you!”. Made some money, and bought my sister some chocolates.

And then the bandits came and killed everyone. Hurrah! And what manly men they were too. I was rescued from the lootin’ and pillagin’ by a tattooed freak called Maze, who took me to The Guild, where I was to train as a Hero. It reminded me of Oliver Twist, actually. Met the Guildmaster, who tells me where to go and how to train. He appears to have the same voice as Treguard from Knightmare, strangely. Spent a while training, with my stick and then sword, my bow and some lightning. I HAVE THE POWAAR!!

In this time, I grew up a couple of times too. And killed some beetles and bandits. And slapped Whisper the Jamaican Girl about a bit in the training ring. As you do. Then it was time to fight with Fagin, errr, Maze, and complete my “final test”. I did, and Whisper and I became full Heroes and gained the Guild Seal. Great, I think. Finally got to spend some experience points, so made myself a bit more buff, and trotted out of the Guild on my first quest – to kill evil wasps who are disrupting a picnic!

My mighty sword (and lightning) DESTROYED the feeble wasps and their Queen. I then nicked all the pickernick baskets, and laughed along with the locals, who call me a chicken chaser. Is that good or bad? Then wandered around a bit, and helped out a tramp by scaring away a bully by farting in his general direction. No, really. Now supposedly I have to go and meet Maze down’t pub. I hope there are more gay scousers in there – the ones I’ve met so far are ACE.