A Normal Lost Phone (Mac): COMPLETED!

Yes, I’m still periodically working through the impossible task of playing the zeleventy spillion itch.io games from that bundle a while back.

A Normal Lost Phone gave me a bit of deja-vu, in that the plot is virtually the same as Secret Little Haven that I played recently, and where that plays out via a faux AOL chat client on a computer, this plays out via a faux messaging system on a mobile phone.

So yeah, they’re very similar. I don’t know which came first nor do I really care because it doesn’t matter. It was just odd that I’d not played a game like this for ages then two come along at once!

So, again like Secret Little Haven, it was short and meaningful and then it sort of just ends. Good though!

Rex: Another Island (Mac): COMPLETED!

I’ve been scrolling through that ridiculous itch.io bundle a lot recently. As I expected, I’ve never heard of 99% of the games there, but sometimes something catches my eye and a quick play of Rex: Another Island drew me in.

It’s a pretty plain platformer in the open-world style common in the 8bit days. There are shades of Jet Set Willy and Chuckie Egg 2 here, and it’s really very good. Of course, there are modern additions like restart points, infinite lives, warps and a double jump, but the feel is of those games I loved as a kid. Just without the colour clash.

It is quite a bit easier than those games, but then, I never did complete them anyway and that was frustrating so I appreciate being able to get to the end here.

There’s actually three endings, it seems. The easiest is for just reaching a particular point on the map, the second is for finding all five giant crystals and then reaching a different point, and the final one (and the only one I didn’t get – yet at least) is for collecting all 777 rings. I’m about 690 rings down, though!

Bio Menace (Mac): COMPLETED!

I have no idea why I decided to play this. I have very little interest in the Apogee same-game-slightly-different-graphics PC games of the early 90s (see also Commander Keen and Duke Nukem) and I know from experience they’ve aged badly. And yet here we are.

It’s pretty boring. There’s a lot of backtracking as you often have to get to the other side of the level to get the key to open the exit which is right near the start. There are a number of sections where avoiding baddies is nearly impossible. The bosses are a walkover. It has terrible sound and jerky scrolling. It’s not a very good game.

But I completed it (all of it – there are three chapters that come as separate games) so maybe I did like it a bit? Nah.

Doki Doki Literature Club (Mac): COMPLETED!

A lot of people have written a lot about this game already, and aside from the general sentiment that You Must Play It and the knowledge that Something Dark Happens And Then It All Goes Sideways, I’ve managed to avoid all spoilers and plot points. So I won’t be sharing them here.

All I will say is the same as I knew going into the game: Doki Doki Literature Club is a visual novel about a literature appreciation club in a Japanese high school, and then… it is less so.

I can’t tell you much more. It starts out exactly how you’d expect this sort of title to, and for an hour or so aside from the niggling feeling that some of the characters are a little off-kilter you’d not suspect the direction it veers sharply off in. The title screen telling you it’s not a game for children and the trigger warning it gives you should go some way to explaining.

Should you play it? Yes, absolutely. Not least because it’s free, but also because I know you want to know what happens now, right?

Secret Little Haven (Mac): COMPLETED!

Secret Little Haven is a visual novel type game that plays out in the form of an AOL Messenger style chat application, a little like Emily Is Away. You’re Alex, a fan of a Japanese Sailor Moon type anime and you take part in his interactions with friends in real life, from a fan forum, and his dad.

Alex isn’t happy for a number of reasons, but centrally he doesn’t identify as male, and part of the game how he, or rather, she comes to terms with it with advice of various kinds from those he chats with.

As well as that seriousness, there’s a load of power-girl cartoon fan fiction and art, normal teenager angst to deal with, and a friend who is a bit overbearing towards women to rein in.

I liked the story, but even though it isn’t a happy ending – more because it isn’t an ending, rather than isn’t happy – it seemed to rush towards a conclusion for your dad far too easily considering the massive change that was taking place. I also enjoyed all the early 90s internet references and the “hacking” sequence.

ありがとう、人間さん! (Arigatou, Ningen-san!) (Mac): COMPLETED!

This is an animal squashing game. You find animals around the town, then squash them everywhichway until they’re happy and then they move in with you. Or something?

It’s utterly bizarre.

Anyway, I squashed all the animals and then it was the end of the game. I felt unfulfilled. Maybe I need squashing now?

The White Door (Mac): COMPLETED!

The White Door (yet another itch.io bundle game) is a point and click adventure game, where reality and dreams blur together as you appear to be recovering from a traumatic event.

You’re staying in a sort of hospital, and each day you’re required to follow a schedule of eating, washing, using a computer, and so on. At night you relive what may or may not have happened to you and why you ended up in here in the first place.

Then, things happen. Are you dreaming? Have you gone mad? Are you being manipulated? Is the nurse who comes to check on you trying to get you to escape, or is this planned to see if you can unlock more memories. And why are the doctors so interested in your memories anyway?

Did I kill this woman? Did she even exist? Is it a dream or a memory?

It isn’t a very difficult game, beyond easily missing things to click on, but it’s definitely worth a play through.

The House on Holland Hill (Mac): COMPLETED!

This game is another itch.io bundle game, and is a short narrative discovery title where you, a pizza delivery guy, finds something going on with one of your regulars.

There’s not a great deal to it, but if you explore a bit during each delivery you make, you see a little bit of the story you’d normally miss. There’s a twist at the end which is obviously coming, except it isn’t quite obvious after all. I won’t say more because spoilers.

Kids (Mac): COMPLETED!

Kids is another game from that Itch.io bundle, and is very surreal. You interact with figures – ostensibly children – in various ways, making them clap, swim, but mainly jump in a big hole.

I’m not sure what the purpose of all this is. There’s bound to be some moral or deeper meaning behind what actually happens, but I’m not seeing it. Maybe there isn’t and it’s just a quirky clicky toy. Or maybe it’s all about how mindless children are and they just follow their friends into deep holes without question.

Well, “kill all the children” isn’t something I ever thought I’d write on my gaming diary.

Who knows.

Windosill (Mac): COMPLETED!

This is one of well over 1500 games that came with the Bundle for Racial Justice and Equality on Itch. To be honest, I didn’t think I’d even bother looking at the list of games once I’d donated as there were just so many, but I did have a flick through and this caught my eye as something someone had recommended before.

It’s a series of screens, where you have to take a little vehicle from the left through a door on the right. Each door needs a cube to open, and how you get each cube follows a series of puzzles and click experimentation. It’s almost more of a fidget toy with an aim than it is a game, but it was interesting enough to play and I love the art style.

It’s pretty short, but very lovely.

Delores: A Thimbleweed Park Mini-Adventure (Mac): COMPLETED!

This free sort-of-followup to Thimbleweed Park came out as a surprise recently, so of course I picked it up. It’s built using assets from the original game, as an experiment or prototype, but aside from being short it’s a properly playable thing.

You control Delores, one of the characters from the first game, who has returned to Thimbleweed Park after a year away. She’s taken a temp job as a photographer for the local paper, and the aim of the game is to take 30 photos for various news stories, each fitting specific criteria.

To get the right shot, you often have to solve point-and-click puzzles, whereas others are just reinterpreting the request or being a bit creative with what is around you.

There’s an odd quirk where the game quits (intentionally) after every five photos are returned to the paper, which means that when reloaded sometimes there are tasks that have reset and you have to repeat (and yet others that haven’t), but the whole game is pretty short so it’s not really a problem.

A fun little diversion, especially if you enjoyed Thimbleweed Park, like I did.

Wheels of Aurelia (Mac): COMPLETED!

This has been very cheap on the Switch several times, and the graphic style piqued my interested. However, I’d never bought it because reviews put me off – it’s not the driving game it appears, it’s incredibly short, and there’s very little to it. But a free copy on Epic Games? Ah, gwan then.

The reviews were right. Although there is driving, it’s little more than a mechanism to tell the story. You can’t really crash, the car will actually drive itself if you let go of the controls, and the only interaction you need to do is decide to pull over to pick up hitchhikers or to choose a route when you come to one of the very infrequent junctions.

No, the game is actually a narrative discovery game rather than a driving game. Set in 1978, you play a woman called Lella who decides to go on a road trip. Along the way, you meet people and discuss music, politics, feminism, abortion, and Italy at the time. It’s sort of interesting, learning a bit of history and about the neo-nazis who were around then, but the dialogue is disjointed and seems to be arranged randomly. I suspect it’s mainly due to the localisation, but the result is that the main bit of the game doesn’t really work – it’s all unnatural conversations and unusual grammar.

It was short, and didn’t make a lot of sense, and although there are other endings it still felt like a slog despite the length so I don’t think I’ll be playing it again.

Time Clickers (Mac): COMPLETED!

After the “fun” that was Crush Crush, I thought I’d try another clicker game. Time Clickers is properly free, with no IAPs needed to unlock anything. It’s a lot simpler in structure than Crush Crush too.

The fact that there’s a ceiling you can hit, and there should be no barrier to getting there in a realistic time was appealing after the issues I had with Crush Crush. It is less interactive though, and there’s no funny dialogue or real purpose to the game – you just shoot blocks which get higher and higher HP so you need to upgrade your weapons to suit.

Anyway, after hitting wave 5000-odd and unlocking all the achievements, I was done. It took a couple of weeks, again mostly idling, but I could log in on either my computer or iPad to carry on the game which was nice.

Crush Crush (Mac): COMPLETED!

Now, this is a tricky one to categorise as completed, but hear me out. Crush Crush is a clicker game, albeit wrapped up in a waifu dating guise, but still a clicker. Girls become available, you spend hearts on them and money on gifts and dates, and the more you get them to like you the more you have to spend. Then more girls unlock and so on.

It’s free to play, but after 400+ hours of play (well, probably 390 hours of idling, 10 hours of play) across several weeks, it became clear that it may be free to play, but it certainly isn’t free to win.

Alpha is a sentient AI holographic idol. So of course you can date her.

You get to a point in the game where you may have all the money, heart and time multipliers available to you, but in order to progress, you still need to idle for almost a year of real time. And no doubt the next step up will be bigger still. Or, you could fork out some real actual money for a pile of multiplier-multipliers (as they stack on top of the “free” ones earned in game) to actually have a chance. Sure, you can progress the game as far as possible and then reset the game for a permanent multiplier bonus (as I did many times) but even with this you’d need to restart so many times and it’d barely help the late game timers. Maybe shave a few days or even a week off that year.

I’ve completed all the girls it is possible to realistically “complete” without spending money, and I’ve finished all the “phone fling” side stories, and so as far I’m concerned, it’s finished.

Oh, and if you’re interested in the game itself – it’s actually mostly devoid of the titillation you’re perhaps expecting. There’s DLC to make it far filthier, but I didn’t install that. It’s pretty funny though, with some clever dialogue, jokes, and even self-aware characters that know they’re in a game.

Just in case you didn’t have enough women to date in person, you also have a whole host more to flirt with on your phone.

The Librarian (Mac): COMPLETED!

A short point and click adventure game, with lovely pixel graphics and a few simple puzzles. There’s not a great deal to tell you about it, really, otherwise I’ll spoil everything. But I will tell you this: there’s something wrong in the library.

If you’ve played these sorts of games before, then there’s nothing taxing here. I’ve just completed Thimbleweed Park, remember, so this was like easy mode compared to that. It looks and plays beautifully though, so it’s well worth a play. And it’s free! You can get a copy from the author’s itch.io page.