Sonic N

YES. I BOUGHT AN N-GAGE AND GOT SONIC N WITH IT.

Stop mocking me.

It’s just Sonic Advance. With either a squashed screen, or a chopped off screen – depending on your preference. And it’s jerky. And the sound is awful.

And it’s not as good as Sonic Advance.

Sonic Advance 2

Ah yes, a proper Sonic game. Not like that Sonic Heroes monstrosity, with its stupid 3D-ness and team-ness and Cream-ness and die-for-no-reason-ness. This is a normal 2D Sonic, and because of that, it works.

Although it suffers from some generic 2D platformer traits (ice/fire/grass levels, etc.), it makes up for it by actually being fun and not crap. OK, so I died a few times, but unlike Heroes, I felt it was my fault, and not the game just being crap that caused it. Ran (literally – it is a Sonic game after all) through the first few Zones – the Green Hill type one, the Lava type one, Zool-a-like Music Zone, and some kind of nighttime Ice Cap-in-Hollywood level. And then onto Sky Canyon.

I’m not sure how the sky can have a canyon, but anyway.

Bosses so far have been fairly easy. I’m not too sure I like the way you have to go about killing them though. Remember the tree-cutting boss from Sonic and Knuckles‘s first zone? You have to chase after it as the level scrolls continuously. Well, they’re all like that in Sonic Advance 2. So far, anyway.

Currently, I’m stuck on Sky Canyon Act 2. Well, not so much stuck, as “run out of lives before I complete it”. But I’ll get there.

Sonic Heroes: OVERANDOUTED!

Somehow, over the course of today’s play, I bumped into another bug. I lost all my rings, and then picked one up. I then had 999 rings. How bizarre.

Killed all of the million baddies Eggman sent at me in wave after boring wave, and then started on the last few levels of the game. Once more, just like almost every other Sonic game, they’re set on Eggman’s flying fleet of ships. And, like Sonic Adventure 2, there are far too many rails to grind and (unlike SA2) not enough actual platforming. Plenty of falling off the world and into nothingness, however, with even more unavoidable deaths and levels that can only be got through with some luck rather than pure skill. What kind of game mechanic is that? Not a fun one, that’s for sure.

And then there was the end boss – Eggman in a big robot suit. With a sword. And he was alarmingly easy. So, game won, credits roll, and I’m NEVER playing that pile of crap ever again.

Sonic Heroes

Had a slightly less irritating time on this today. The levels I worked through had fewer die-for-no-reason moments. That’s not to say it was all good – far from it. Hang Castle had a few areas where you are given no clue as to where to go, and Mystic Mansion had stupid mine cart sections and some rubbish Sonic/Tails/Knuckles specific bit near the end.

With them out of the way, and joypad surprisingly intact, it was on to Robot Storm. Hurrah – wave after wave of baddies. Again. Rubbish. Decided to quit after I fell off the edge of the platform due to a non-homing homing attack for the 9876874632th time.

Foolishly went back to Team Rose and worked my way through a few levels. I think that Cream’s voice (played by Sarah Wulfeck) might also be Princess Tippi from Ribbit King, although I can’t find any evidence. Whatever, she needs here vocal chords ripping out.

‘Fought’ Team Sonic. Fought as in, beat them without trying at all, in three seconds. Then turned the game off.

Sonic Heroes

Still the irritation factor rises. Athough I’ve now killed Egg Albatross (who was very easy, it turned out), the following two jungle levels were full of irritating unavoidable deaths and stupid can’t-see-where-you’re-jumping sections. The whole alligator chase bit was spectacularly joypad-smash inducing, as not only can you not see where you’re going, but you can’t time your rope-swing jumps properly as you don’t have the seconds required going spare. Oh yes – and more falling though platforms and sliding off cliffs made those levels all the more enjoyable.

Then I had to defeat Team Dark, who were easy. So easy in fact, that they were dead before I even realised what I was doing. Glitch-tastic!

Sonic Heroes

I am going to smash something very soon. I know it. The thing is, it should be easy. All Sonic games are easy. It’s the law. But this one has so many problems that cause you to die through no fault of your own, that it should be shot. I spent an hour playing the Bullet Station level. Not because I was crap – far from it. EVERY death was unavoidable – I fell through solid floor, jumped through a wall instead of up it. Fell off a rail for no reason. Went to Light Dash only to have Tails grab the first in the line of rings, causing Sonic to roll instead and fall off a cliff. Have Knuckles punch a box, to find he follows though afterwards and falls off a platform to his death. Triangle Jumped through a wall. And don’t get me started on the hit-and-miss Pole Spin thing that Sonic does (or rather, doesn’t). And the toboggan bit where you can’t see what you’re supposed to avoid and/or jump as the camera decides you’re obviously psychic.

An HOUR of this. Death after unavoidable death. Completing the level was entirely down to luck in the end.

And then, when I thought it couldn’t get worse, came Egg Albatross. The boss where Sonic’s Homing Attack tends to home in on that completely open space below the Albatross, causing a plummet to death. Then, when you do actually destroy it, you can’t control your characters right after dealing the final blow. So you’re screwed if you’re not above a platform – likely, since most of the level is platform-free. Several hundred lives later, and the off switch was used.

Oh Sonic Team – what on earth have you done?

Sonic Heroes

I don’t know why I’m playing this. It’s rubbish. In fact, it is so rubbish, that I could class it as one of the worst games ever made. Ever. There is so much wrong with it I daren’t even start listing them for fear of never stopping.

I’d finished a couple of levels as Team Sonic previously, so I carried on from there. Oh joy – a pinball level. Oh joy more – rails to grind. Oh joy the most – a camera that fails to work causing death simply because you can’t see what is coming. Oh joy – a “boss” level consisting only of ten million baddies one after another.

After dying for the billionth time on the Something Station (or whatever) level due to falling off the edge of platforms for no reason, I quit and started a Team Rose game. Then the impossible happened – I got irritated by a game character more than I do by Tails. Cream’s painfully high-pitched voice, coupled with Big’s retard-speak made me want to kill. One level was all I could take before my head exploded.

Sonic Adventure DX: FINISH0RED

Well, that was quick. OK, so I’ve only finished it with Sonic, but from what I recall of the DC game, Tails’ levels are much the same, and everyone else is crap. Probably.

Although the last few levels were harder (except the actual last level – that was unnervingly easy for a Sonic finalĂ©), the only times I died were when the camera went squiffy or I just fell through seemingly solid scenery. Tch. The game tells me that I can also play with Big and E-102 now, should I feel that way inclined. I notice too that I haven’t unlocked any Game Gear games yet. I suspect I need more emblems, rings, or complete missions before I get them. I did try a few missions, but they seem to mostly be dull fetch quests. Great.

Anyhoo, that’s 5 games so far. Excellent, Ambassador.

Sonic Adventure DX

Three more action stages complete with Sonic. Or is it four? They all kind of went blurry. Icecap, Twinkle Park, and Speed Highway (or something) all finished. Found a gold Chao egg too, and hatched that. Really should name my Chaos now, since only Chewy has a name.

Oh yes, and did Sky Chase too. Which was easy. In fact, the whole game has been easy so far. Even the boss battle against Chaos 4 (what happened to Chaos 1-3 I don’t know) didn’t tax me. The fight with Knuckles was laughable, with him going “Oh no!” when I slapped him up. Mind you, he’s a controllable character now. And I can now play with Amy, apparently. Lucky me.

Sonic Adventure DX

I never did complete Sonic Adventure on the Dreamcast, for whatever reason. Probably had something to do with having ten billion games or summat. Decided to give this a go, seeing as it has been sat on my shelf now for some four months or so.

Have finished three “action” levels with Sonic so far, which alarmingly seems to be 25% done (according to the saved game file). I know there are other characters, but still. An improvement over the DC original is the Free Camera using the C-stick. It doesn’t help much in the action levels, but in and around Station Square and Mystic Ruins (etc.) you really need it. Still camera issues though.

Hatched three Chao, including a silver one I found in Mystic Ruins near the waterfall. Named one Chewy, as I expect they are. Obviously spent the bulk of my play on the game today actually doing levels, finishing after the Casino when the game abruptly crashed. Tch.