Over the years, I’ve entered a few games into the comp.sys.sinclair Crap Games Competition myself. Never won (or should that be lost?) mind. Perhaps my games were too good?
Read below for the actual games, or skip over to the last page to play them!
Octopus Lite (1999)
This is my Speccy conversion of an old Nintendo Game and Watch game called (spookily) Octopus. The idea is to guide your little man down to the treasure, nab it and return to the boat without letting the octopus get you. And then do it again. And again, ad nausium.
A truly stunning representation of a classic hand-held masterpiece.
- Live action sound effects!
- Last score retention!
- High detail animation!
- Air-guitaring little men!
“Corking!” – someone from YS
“Genius” – Me
“S’alright” – Lord Lucan
Advanced Pro Wife Simulator (1999)
Written with a blatant disregard for women (and men, in fact) in the space of, ooh, half an hour, this game really Pushes Back The Boundaries Of Computer Gaming.
Relying on quick thinking, cunning and use of the number keys from one to five, you must get the better of your no-good, two-timing drunkard of a husband. Whip him into shape, and Make Him Pay for His Crimes Against Womankind.
- High-definition graphics*
- Silky-smooth animation**
- Jokes so funny your ears will bleed***
“What? What was that again?” – Some old deaf bloke
“Biiiissshoooo, new Biiiiiisshoooo” – Big Issue Seller
“Bangles, Spangles, Bows, Chewing Gum. Gettem while they’re hot!” – Woman off of Dick Deadeye
* Well, you can read the text.
** At least, what animation there is, is Silky-smooth. But there isn’t any. If there was, then it would be. Silky-smooth that is.
*** If you bang your head against the wall heavily after reading them.