After some suggestions on uk.games.video.misc, I decided to make a start on Fable. And what a strange game it is. The first thing to hit me was the accents – every English dialect appears to be covered. The next thing was the bizarre shadows on people’s faces, as if there are invisible light sources than keep moving. Very odd, and a little off-putting, especially when coupled with the Daz-enchanced Whiter Than Whiteness of my clothes. But I digress. Went round doing good deeds and trying to beat up chickens. Resisted the urge to smash some barrels although I was being coaxed into doing it. Told a woman about her cheating husband, and listened in on the resultant argument – “My mother was right about you!”. Made some money, and bought my sister some chocolates.

And then the bandits came and killed everyone. Hurrah! And what manly men they were too. I was rescued from the lootin’ and pillagin’ by a tattooed freak called Maze, who took me to The Guild, where I was to train as a Hero. It reminded me of Oliver Twist, actually. Met the Guildmaster, who tells me where to go and how to train. He appears to have the same voice as Treguard from Knightmare, strangely. Spent a while training, with my stick and then sword, my bow and some lightning. I HAVE THE POWAAR!!

In this time, I grew up a couple of times too. And killed some beetles and bandits. And slapped Whisper the Jamaican Girl about a bit in the training ring. As you do. Then it was time to fight with Fagin, errr, Maze, and complete my “final test”. I did, and Whisper and I became full Heroes and gained the Guild Seal. Great, I think. Finally got to spend some experience points, so made myself a bit more buff, and trotted out of the Guild on my first quest – to kill evil wasps who are disrupting a picnic!

My mighty sword (and lightning) DESTROYED the feeble wasps and their Queen. I then nicked all the pickernick baskets, and laughed along with the locals, who call me a chicken chaser. Is that good or bad? Then wandered around a bit, and helped out a tramp by scaring away a bully by farting in his general direction. No, really. Now supposedly I have to go and meet Maze down’t pub. I hope there are more gay scousers in there – the ones I’ve met so far are ACE.


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