Finally, the never ending flow of dire direness has been stemmed and the winner of the comp.sys.sinclair Crap Games Competition 2015 has been announced. That’s right – well into 2016. Timing on the competition has always been traditionally crap too, you see. Anyhoo. Did you know it was the 20th Anniversary of the CSSCGC in 2015? No? Of course you didn’t.
It is with utter sadness that I have to inform you that my only entry this year (and to be fair, one of very few I’ve entered over the last decade, actually) BEEP failed to win any of the awards. Of course the results were rigged and the judges bribed. In fact, I myself was a judge and not only failed to remember to vote, but I’d even bribed myself to vote for myself. Those Rolos were lovely, it’s just a shame I didn’t follow through on my own promise to myself. Ah well, maybe next year.
There were a number of different categories this (last) year, but the main two were Best Game, and Worst Game. Personally, I think there should only be a Worst Game (which, because it needs to be as crap as possible, would also technically be the Best Game). Still, I wasn’t in charge of that and frankly that’s probably for the best as I’d ruin the entire thing.
The winner of Best Game, disgustingly, was the utter filth of Sex on First Date. Where, well, you can guess. I disliked the far too good graphics and the filth. Mainly the filth. And it was too difficult. But mainly, mainly the filth. I mean, look at it. You wouldn’t buy a magazine with filth like that in it. Oh, and there’s a missing “a” or “the” in the title.
The winner of Worst Game was, thankfully, something terrible at actually being a game rather than just something morally terrible – Honey I Shrunk the Screen. A rubbish game made all the more rubbish with a tiny play area and purposefully broken controls. Real CSSCGC classic tropes.
Of course, like all pointless awards ceremonies, the award categories just go on and on and bloody on forever, with such pigeonholes as Best Loading Screen and Best Celebrity Tie-In. You can see the winners of those, and more general waffle about the awards, over on the official CSSCGC 2015 site.
