“What is this?” I hear you cry, “He’s bought Kameo? Even though he has publicly slated it on many occasions, and absolutely hated the demos?”. Yes, gentle reader, this is correct.
In my defence, it was only £6.95 and I can’t resist a bargain, no matter how crap the item is (see Lady Cruncher). And I thought, it’s only fair to actually play the full game if I’m so hard on it.
And oh, was I so right.
OK. It isn’t crap. It’s just not the flagship launch title Microsoft said it would be. It’s reasonably pretty (although you can’t help feeling everything is covered with slime, and the distance haze is hiding some technical limitations), but isn’t what I’d call “next-gen”. Most importantly, however, the controls are broken.
Pressing the trigger buttons to pull off attacks just feels wrong. And as for pressing both together to make Kameo kickflip – no. Just, no. 90% of the time it doesn’t work and you end up jumping or hovering instead. And the camera! It just swings around and goes into fixed mode for no reason than to try and show off the scenery, causing you to die. And the targeting! I’d like to choose which baddies I want to punch please, not you, Mr CPU. And the repetition! Yes, working out that you have to use Pummel Weed’s duck under things to, uh, duck under vines was great. Having to work it out (or rather, not) for the 357632nd time is not great. Ditto working out about throwing rocks in statue’s mouths. Ditto working out how to dispatch baddies hiding under shells. And so on.
Anyway. I’ve reached the tree boss holding some bloke (my cousin? Uncle?). And guess what? Rocks in the gob! Amazing.