How not to apply for a job working for me

I’ve been sifting through job applications for new IT technician this week. If you’re thinking of applying for a job in an IT technician role (or any role, in fact), please don’t follow some of my applicants by example by following these handy hints:

1. Learn how to spell “Microsoft”.
2. Don’t say you’re “an avid gamer” in your list of personal qualities, especially if it takes up half of your list.
3. When you print out your application form, don’t include all the alterations mark-up.
4. Remember to fill in all pages of the form.
5. When asked to only fill in the form and don’t provide a CV, remember to fill in the form and don’t provide a CV.
6. If you are referring to your new boss by name, please don’t call them “Holly”. Unless they happen to be called “Holly” of course, but even then, try to be a little less personal.
7. “Keeping abreast of new technologies” does not mean “can install Windows 98”.
8. If emailing the form in, please remember to attach the form to your email.
9. If applying electronically, using Word, please pay attention to the red squiggly lines under every third word you’ve typed. Perhaps make use of the F7 key.
10. Don’t apply twice, giving different details on each application form. Surprisingly, we will notice.
11. “Successfully configuring” your World of Warcraft client to connect to Blizzard’s servers is not a skill we require.
12. Creating your own website is admirable, and by all means tell us about it in your personal statement. However, don’t provide a link to it when your server was taken down three years ago. In addition, a customised Facebook page != “your own website”.
13. Including the @ sign in your email address is advisable, just in case we decide to contact you.
14. When listing the operating systems you are familiar with, System 7 and DOS are not pre-requisites for the job, especially if you also forget to mention anything newer than Windows 2000. Similarly, well done for knowing what FoxPro is, but what about Access or SQL?
15. Being a “lifetime computer user” when you’re 18 isn’t really a unique selling point.
16. Most importantly, when applying for a job as an IT Technician, it is helpful if somewhere on your form you mention some of your IT skills, qualifications or experience. Or even mentioning computers at all would be a good start. Having “good communication skills” and being “a team player” just won’t cut it.