- The Nintendo NX must be region-free
- Have Mario games on it
- Have actual buttons on the Nintendo NX controller
- Finally fix the issue of jerky credits scrolling that blights every game ever made since 1994, previous to which for some reason it wasn’t an issue
- Support exactly 17 Nintendo NX controllers
- Take Sega Mega Drive cartridges
- Available in two colours: green, and very green
- The Nintendo NX to be able to download games without it being turned on. Or plugged in. Or even taken out of the box
- Have games on square optical discs
- Have a picture of Jacky from Virtua Fighter under the flap
- Have a flap
- Make sure the flap is backwards compatible with the Wii and Wii U flaps
- Gold plated flap as an optional extra
- Actually, have two flaps
- Console needs to be completely spherical
- Able to perform a quirkafleeg
- Holding down the A and B buttons on startup causes the console to dispense poisonous gas into the room
- Five screens. One of them inside the console but you can’t see it
- Every single Nintendo game ever made, and all those not made yet, available at launch
- Free sweets in the box
