Nintendo Switch Direct Content Leak!

Nintendo Switch Direct Content Leak!

Yay! Things are being announced, so let’s stab randomly in the dark at what those things might be! In the post-fact world we now live in, fake news is where the real facts are!

Tune in to Nintendo’s Live From Tokyo, France, feed at 4am Genuine Pre-Brexit Real Time (GPBRT) on Friday the 13th (ruh roh!) to tick off how many of these are correct!


We already know some stuff about the hardware. It has a screen! It has detachable controllers! There’s a base unit! Nvidia! But here are some things you might not know:

  1. The console is 12 inches thick. Not wide, not tall, but thick. We’re gonna need some bigger hands.
  2. The battery life is long enough to last from the moment you take it out of the dock to the time you sit down on the sofa with it. After that, you need to buy a new battery, because:
  3. That’s right – that battery can’t be recharged and needs replacing every time you handle the console. Batteries will not be available at launch.
  4. Nvidia didn’t make the chip in the Switch – they simply made the socket the Switch’s chip fits into. The chip itself won’t be available at launch.
  5. There will be an unlimited number of SKUs, each with different colour cases, amounts of RAM, screen shapes, and connectivity options. Most of these will not be available at launch.
  6. The charger will not be USB-C as widely reported: it will use the original Game Boy Advance SP charger. These will not be included in the box, and will not be available at launch.
  7. The Switch is not compatible with HDTVs. They only work with CRTs and 4K TVs, and only then with a converter cable. This cable will not be available at launch.
  8. The vitality sensor will finally be released, along with the SD adaptor originally planned for the GameCube. Again, these will not be available at launch.
  9. The console will be region free! Only not in Europe.
  10. The replacement for the Switch will be teased at the end of the Direct, and will be available at launch.


We know there will be Strictly Just Do Dancing 2017, Zelda BOFH and NBA 2K BBQ NSPCC, but what else?!

  1. Every single GameCube game ever made, for every region, will be available on the eShop from launch day. In the UK they will cost £13.99 each, in the EU they’ll be €44.99, and in the US, $4.99. In order to play them you will need the GameCube controller components for the Switch unit. These will not be available at launch.
  2. A new F-Zero game, called F-Zero 0, set 200 years before the original F-Zero, will be announced and available as a launch title. It will be controlled with the Wii balance board, which requires an adaptor to work with the Switch. Nintendo will not be manufacturing any new balance boards, however, and the required adaptor will not be available at launch.
  3. The rumoured new Mario Switch title will be revealed as a launch title. It’s a free to play, free-roaming RPG with platform game elements. Each level needs to be unlocked with a different Amiibo, but these Amiibo will not be available at launch.
  4. A port of Star Fox Zero is a launch title. You will need a Wii U Gamepad in order to control it, however. These will not be sold separately.
  5. All of your Wii U and 3DS eShop purchases will be transferable to your Switch console, for free. However, in order to do this you must send your Wii U and 3DS to Nintendo as they are the ones who need to perform the transfer. You will still need your 3DS in order to play 3DS eShop games on the Switch, as it acts as the controller. And the screen. This functionality will not be available at launch.
  6. The Rabbids and Mario crossover that was rumoured is actually two separate games on the same cartridge. There is no crossover at all, they’re just very small so they packaged them together.
  7. Retro have been working on a new Metroid game. It will be shown in teaser form at the Switch event, but will not be available until 2028. It is completed, but as the game is physically set in the year 2028 it was decided that was the best time to release it.
  8. New Donkey Kong Country Returns will be out in the 2017-2019 launch window.
  9. New New Super Mario Bros U Switch will be out in the 2018-2020 launch window.
  10. New Luigi’s Mansion Switch will be available at launch, but the day one patch that is required to play it will not.
  11. Nintendo’s new “Nintendo don’t have a game like this” IP is actually an MMORPG set in a world overrun by evil kangaroos. Players take the role of camels who hunt the kangaroos using hilariously oversized pea shooters. It’s free to play.
  12. Sega, Konami, Codemasters, Melbourne House and Amsoft are all confirmed to have games available at launch. These games will not be available at launch.


  1. You can import your existing NNID onto your Switch, although this feature will not be available at launch.
  2. Nintendo’s ONline SErvice (which will be known as “NONSE”) will make use of “chum numbers” that are definitely nothing like friend codes. For your convenience, these CNs will expire every three months.
  3. The Switch will come with a built in web browser, Twitter client, Soundcloud integration and IRC chat. Some of these features, specifically those that use online services, won’t be available at launch.
  4. NONSE will remain free, although you will need to pay subscriptions for each individual game or service you wish to use on it. Prices will vary, but Twitter is known to be £4.99/€5.99/$19.99 a month. You can use My Nintendo gold coins to obtain a 5% discount, although this will not be available at launch.
  5. Miiverse will get an overhaul, with tighter integration in games (some games require a Miiverse account to work), but Miiverse will be unavailable at launch.
  6. Network connectivity is 801.11ac wireless only, is not compatible with 11a, b or n, and supports WEP security only. A wired LAN adaptor will be available, although not at launch, but this will only support Wii and Wii U games bought on the Switch.
  7. Nintendo have partnered with Virgin Media to ensure that NONSE is incompatible with Virgin.
  8. Children under the age of 21 will not have access to NONSE.

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