Fray Bentos Pies

(This question from @MercuryVapour)

Am I too late to suggest your favourite Fray Bentos pie?

Well, that’s an easy question, Mr Vapour! The answer is no, you’re not.

Ahahaha! Of course what you really meant was to actually ask me what my favourite Fray Bentos pie is, right? Let’s see now.

Interesting fact: Fray Bentos is actually a city in Uruguay. It used to be famed for its meat processing industry, which is presumably where the pie brand gets its name. Mmmm, processed meat pie.

What makes Fray Bentos different to most other brands is how their pies come in tins, which, once you’ve taken the top off of, act as their own pie dish for cooking. Genius.

Currently owned by the Baxters brand, Fray Bentos currently produce ten different types of pie (as well as assorted puddings and other foods). Two of these pies are just smaller versions of others, though, so we can discount them. Who wants a small pie? Nobody.

Probably the best thing to do is rank them in order of worst to best, yes?

Fray Bentos Pie Ranking

8. Minced Beef and Onion Pie
Beef is an excellent choice for pie, and although onion is nice it’s just filler. And why have mince when there’s actually a steak option?

7. ‘Deep Fill’ Chicken & Mushroom Pie
Deep Fill = Good. But some of the meatspace in the pie seems to have been taken up with mushrooms.

6. Just Chicken Pie
There’s nothing wrong with Chicken, but there are better options. Such as:

5. Chicken and Bacon Pie
Because this has Chicken and bacon in it. As we know, adding bacon to anything makes it instantly better. So bacon in a pie? Excellent. In fact, why is there no Just Bacon Pie option?

4. ‘Classic’ Steak and Kidney Pie
I’m not sure why ‘Classic’ is in inverted commas, but everyone, even vegans, love a good steak and kidney pie. And I don’t even like kidneys. Except in pie. Pie makes everything great.

3. ‘Deep Fill’ Just Steak Pie
So take the kidneys out, replace them with steak, then add more steak, and you’ve a winner. Well, an almost winner. Because:

2. ‘Deep Fill’ Steak & Ale Pie
You can put beer in it too. Beer and meat and pie. The Lord created nothing better. Apart from:

1. Chilli Beef Pie
Because the best beef is chilli beef. This is a fact.

So there you have it. The best Fray Bentos Pie is the Chilli Beef one.

Fray Bentos Pie Anecdote: While at university, one of my housemates in my hall of residence came back from the pub one afternoon and put a Fray Bentos pie in the oven. Then went to bed. The following day we realised it was still there, now more charcoal than pie. The puff pastry had risen about a foot and was touching the top of the oven, and the entire pie was one solid lump. Removing the shelf it was on revealed the pie was actually welded to the top of the oven, and although most of the burnt remains were removed, we never did manage to chisel the rest off. How the fire alarm didn’t go off I don’t know.

And one final thing: if you’re listening, Fray Bentos, then the Best Pie, which you don’t make, would be Deep Fill Chilli Beef, Cheese and Bacon Pie. Just in case you’re looking for ideas. And send me some pies.