(This suggestion provided @thermalsatsuma)
RPGs – roleplaying games or rocket propelled grenades?
What the hell am I supposed to do with that? I’m not even sure that’s a proper question, but I’ll march on with an answer regardless. Somehow.
Just so all my readers are on the same page here, this is a Role Playing Game[ref]actually it’s a Role Playing Video Game, but that’s what I would consider RPG to mean in a Role Playing context. None of your board and dice games here.[/ref]:
And this is a Rocket Propelled Grenade[ref]or rather, it’s a Rocket Propelled Grenade (in green) Accompanied By A Rocket Propelled Grenade Launcher (in red).[/ref]:
But which of the RPGs is best? Let’s find out.
| Role Playing Games | Rocket Propelled Grenades |
|---|---|
| Are easily obtainable on the high street or online. | Can generally only be bought from illicit arms dealers. |
| Can be bought cheaply. | Are somewhat expensive on the black market. |
| You usually won’t be arrested for handling Role Playing Games. | Can only legally be handled by trained individuals in the armed forces. |
| Almost useless at blowing up a tank. | Will cause damage to all but the most heavily armoured tanks. |
| Many varieties with different features. | They’re all pretty much of the launch-explode variety. |
| Won’t usually explode in your face. | Are reasonably likely to explode in your face. |
| Is not a weapon in Metal Slug. | Is a weapon in Metal Slug, albeit vocalised as “rocket lawn chair”. |
| Are awkward to juggle. | Are the perfect shape to juggle. |
| Will not kill you if you drop it while juggling. | May very well kill you if you drop it while juggling. |
| Not many normal people want to talk about Role Playing Games down the pub. | Rocket Propelled Grenades are an excellent topic of conversation at most social engagements. |
| You can easily keep a number of Role Playing Games in a man-bag. | You’ll need something more like a suitcase for one of these. |
| People generally won’t mind if you try to take one on a plane. | Yeah, you just try it. |
| Requires a computer or console to play them on. | Requires us to actually be at war to play with them properly. |
| Perfect for storing in your shed. | Perfect for getting rid of your shed. |
In summary, if you want something to while away the hours in the comfort of your home, you’ll be wanting a Role Playing Game. On the other hand, if you want something to blow up your neighbour’s tank, you’re probably after a Rocket Propelled Grenade.
(And let us not even even mention Retrograde Pyelogram, Ryanair Pilot Group, or Rassemblement du Peuple Guinéen.)
Hmm. It’s a poser, all right. I’m going for Role Playing Games. No, wait: Rocket Propelled Grenades! No: Role Playing Games! Um…
Can’t we compromise on the Fallout series? RPGs with RPGs in. Everybody wins. (Except the ones on the receiving end of the grenades, obviously.)