Category: Diary

Great. I got up to 955m this time, and died. Again. I’m sure someone at Namco is laughing at me. I hate them.

Hmm. I need to get better at the (frankly, bizarre) mini-games, I think. Specifically, the hand-slappy one, which I lost to Harriet. Three times. I don’t even understand what you’re supposed to do to slap her hands, never mind actually win! Also “entertained” Ione and talked to Russian buffalo-girl Zanna, who I also had to save from immigration officials. As you do.

I’d played an hour or two of this filthy, shallow, repetitive, addictive Xbox game before Christmas, and decided to make it my next game (after Paper Mario 2) to play. It’s, er, a little different to Paper Mario 2 as well. Chatted up Ione for a bit, and found the cognac she was after (a drunk hip-hop tramp had it, of course), and played quarters with her. As you do. Beat her, but she wasn’t up for much “more”, so …

985m! Gah! SMASH SMASH SMASH!!

I must be on a roll this weekend! Once Gloomtail was out of the way, I did wonder if Paper Mario 2 was going to suffer from The SuckySuck(TM) bit that many games do; namely, recycle all of the bosses one after another before the end boss (see Feel the Magic, Viewtiful Joe, etc.). Luckily, it didn’t. Between Gloomtail and the end, there was a fairly long puzzley bit, and then it was muliple-boss time. Grodus, Bowser, Kammi, and then …

1000m? No. Still. Grrr.

HAHA! 800m, consider yourseilf PWNED. I used a stack of items though, so it probably doesn’t count. But I don’t care as it’s the closest I’m going to get, I expect. Unlocked Holinger-Z (who is “zed”, not “zee” – hurrah for the correct pronunciation of letters!) and had a go of 1000m with him. No chance. Ever. Then my batteries died. Which is, of course, the real reason I failed to do 1000m. Yes.

With Zoo Keeper now le completé, I went back to Mr Driller. It is TOO HARD. FACT. I can’t do 800m for the life of me, even with extra items. 400m down and I’m dead. Or less. How I’ll ever manage 2000m is beyond me.

And I didn’t even know you could complete it! It turns out there are only 20 levels in the main game, and once you finish them, you win. There then follows a slightly disturbing end of game sequence, involving love, death, children, animals, and the dark decent into overpowering insanity. No, really. It’s like, deep, man.

Cripes. 8 puzzle rooms in one building? The “clues” don’t really help either, but luckily one or two are obvious, and the others are made easier by Goombella effectively telling you exactly what to do. Thank god for that, eh? After that, it’s on to another bit of Shadow Castle thingie, and Gloomtail. Who killed me, as I forgot to heal up before opening a door. Ooops.

Played “standard” mode for a while, and managed 7th on the hiscore table. Once again I ran out of time because there was only one possible move and I couldn’t see it. Grr.

I thought the Moon was the last chapter, but I was wrong. Obviously, the Thousand Year Door would be, and this appears to be the case, but I didn’t think it would be such a large level! I was expecting a boss and that’d be it. But no.

Tokoton MASTER! Well, not quite. I managed 5th on the score table, after jumping from 9th to 6th in about twelve seconds. I was only a few points from 4th as well, which was a pain.

So General White wasn’t as hard to find as it appeared. It made the trek around the entire world even more pointless though, as you’ll find out if you play it. Anyhoo – TO THE MOON! And on the Moon, there are lots of baddies. And the gravity makes you walk slow, and jump fast (and high). Found the base on the Moon where Peach’s sections take place, and there are quite a few puzzles to solve. And one of …

Managed a whopping FIFTH on the main game hiscore table today. I’m not sure I’ll be able to make the top though – the game doesn’t give you enough time! Played Time Attack mode too, but didn’t do as well there. Got about 9th on that mode’s table.