The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (Switch): COMPLETED!

It’s Ganon down. I’m yelling timber.

Two big firsts with this game. The first first, is that it’s my first completed Switch game. The second first, is that it’s my first completed 3D Zelda game. Well, aside from HYRULE WARRIORS, but that isn’t a “traditional” Zelda game.

That being said, neither is Breath of the Wild. It has Zelda lore, Zelda themes, Zelda music… but nothing about the gameplay is actual Zelda. This game is all about traversal, exploration, survival. There are no dungeons. You obtain all the “special weapons” (“runes”, here) within the first couple of hours play, rather than en-route to each boss. There’s no sequence to follow, as, in fact, it’s perfectly possible to legitimately skip virtually the entire story and literally just walk up to the final boss and beat him.

breath of the wild

This is not Zelda.

But, for me, that’s a great thing. I’ve always liked the idea of the 3D Zelda games. I enjoyed, for a time, Ocarina of Time, Wind Waker and Twilight Princess, but never enough to ever finish them. I’d get bored or annoyed and just leave them incomplete. Breath of the Wild had me hooked the entire time, and I think it’s because of the major changes to the formula.

A few times, while playing, I thought “this isn’t fun”. In Twilight Princess, my options were stop playing, or force my way through it. Here, I could go and do something else instead and come back later. Much later, in the case of the iguana beast: I disabled it, went off to find some more weapons, then came back thirty hours later to carry on playing. Turns out it was a walkover.

After which I took on the bird beast, who was also a walkover, and emboldened by these two victories I decided to take on Ganon.

Who was also a walkover. Which was slightly disappointing. I was expecting it to be near impossible, and sure, I had some great armour and 16 hearts, but I only took one heart damage. One! And I still can’t parry properly!

Now the important question: Is this the best game ever? No. It’s a great game, certainly, but it still has issues. Is it the best Zelda game ever? Again, no. A Link Between Worlds and Hyrule Warriors are both better – Hyrule Warriors is more fun, ALBW is more focussed. But Breath of the Wild is wonderful, and has given me faith for the 3D Zelda series and Nintendo’s other series’ too – if they can shake up Zelda this much and come out with a winner, just imagine Metroid or Kid Icarus.

The Battle Cats POP! (3DS): COMPLETED!

I for one welcome our feline overlords.

Well that was very easy. An abundance of cat food meant I could easily max out all my cat character classes, pay for items to ensure I always got treasure on each level, and use that treasure to make myself even more powerful.

battle cats

It was so easy I barely even took damage on my base for the entire game. I used the “Cat God” special power just once, and that was only to see what it did. I suffered a single defeat, due to forgetting to pause the game when I put it down for a few minutes.

All that said, it was pretty good fun. I’m still baffled as to why the “game delay” stuff remains when there aren’t any IAPs to bypass it, but it didn’t affect me in the end.

battle cats

Thirty Flights of Loving (Mac): COMPLETED!

There aren’t 30 flights, and very little loving.

Thirty Flights of Loving is a narrative discovery game seemingly built on the Quake 2 engine. At least, it said quake2.exe had crashed when it died for the third time during playing.

The plot seems to involve some sort of smuggling? Perhaps alcohol during prohibition? Maybe weapons? It’s not very clear. You and your two friends/associates/lovers (well, one of them is anyway), in Tarantino out-of-order fashion, go to a wedding, fly a plane, have a motorbike accident, get wheeled on a cart through an airport, and shoot lots of cameras hanging from balloons.

OK, you don’t actually do most of those things as they just happen around you, but it’s still most peculiar.

Did I enjoy Thirty Flights of Loving? Sort of. Although it crashed a lot. It was only about 20 minutes long, but I got it for free and so can’t really complain. I’d wasted money or time on it.

The Battle Cats POP! (3DS)

Welcome to Cat Facts

A fun little game, in the same vein as Swords and Soldiers only simplified and with cats. You generate money, and spend it on soldier cats (the Battle Cats of the title, I assume) of various kinds, who walk left to the enemy base. At the same time, the enemy are sending baddies over to your base. So they fight.

You gain XP each battle, and use it to unlock new cats and power up your soldiers  and base. You also get cat food, which acts as a sort of in-game currency, and can use it to buy things like more XP.

Nice as the game is, though, this cat food has all the smell of those evil In App Purchases that games like this are so fond of. You see, each level you play depletes an energy counter. When it runs out, you have to wait so many minutes or hours for it to refill, or, you can “spend” some cat food to do it now. Thing is, you can’t do the normal IAP thing of buying cat food with real money (not that I would ever do such a thing anyway), defeating the purpose of having it. As a result, you literally have to just wait to play for no reason at all. Which kills the game a bit.

Other than that, The Battle Cats POP! is cute and addictive. And the only thing other than Zelda that I’ve played in the last week.

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (Switch)

Take my breath away.

Just a quick post about Breath of the Wild. Firstly, it’s how Ubisoft would make Zelda. There are so many bits straight out of an Assassin’s Creed or Far Cry game. The plains, woods, and crafting – not to mention Link’s clothes – are straight out of the worst of all Assassin’s Creeds: III. Sneak up behind baddies for instant kills. You can even perform air assassinations of a sort.

breath of the wild

This is not Zelda.

I’m something like 15 hours in. I’ve done the “tutorial”, reached Impa’s village and then the village on the far right of the map. I’ve completed some side quests, upgraded my clothes, and made it up to Zora’s Domain. Here I had a chat with my dead fishgirlfriend, and boarded a giant war elephant, which I think I’m nearly finished on.

Thoughts? It’s hard. Very, very hard. Having to constantly find and swap weapons because they break so easily is frustrating. Having to cook food to make health items is tiresome. The framerate is all over the place at times. It doesn’t really bother me,  but is a little worrying for a brand new console. Especially since the same game is on the Wii U. Swapping melee, bow and runic items is fiddly (especially swapping arrows), more so mid-fight.

But… I am enjoying Breath of the Wild more than I expected to. It’s a million times better than Twilight Princess, but it lacks the fun, simplicity and immediacy of HYRULE WARRIORS.

BioShock Infinite: Burial at Sea Episode 1 (PC): COMPLETED!

Darling it’s better
Down where it’s wetter
Take it from me

Erm. Well that was a thing, wasn’t it. I was expecting the fight at the end with a Big Daddy, and I think I was right about who Sally was, but I didn’t expect… Booker. Wow.

But is he that Booker, or a different one? Is there an unending list of Bookers and Comstocks throughout the multiverse? And which Elizabeth is she?

And what does this mean for Episode 2? So many questions.

BioShock Infinite: Burial at Sea Episode 1 (PC)

Just a quick mention of this, as I’ve only played about 90 minutes and it’s supposedly less than twice that long. As I enjoyed BioShock Infinite, and I found a cheap copy of the DLC, I thought I’d give it a go.

It’s confusing. Elizabeth doesn’t look right. Plasmids and Vigours have become mingled into one thing. Rapture feels weird.

think that Sally, the girl we’re looking for is basically Anna from Infinite (and therefore Elizabeth), so presumably this is a parallel universe retelling of the same story? Maybe?

Also: Cohen is a bad, bad man.

Doshin the Giant (GC)

No, that’s his belly button.

I’ve been playing this a lot over the last few days. It’s not perfect. From the outside it looks like a tedious tree moving game, and there’s not actually much more to it than that, but it has a hook.

Part of it is “growing”. At the start of each day, Doshin returns to his normal size, which means he can’t pick up certain things and flattens ground and walks slowly. Making the little people live (or alternatively, hate) him enough makes him grow, and therefore do more stuff more quickly.

doshinThe ultimate aim is to get all the little people to build every variation of monument they can. You do this by helping them expand their villages (provide them with trees and flat land, mainly), and if you populate them with the right colours of tribes, they create a statue. One of the statues looks like a poo.

So far, I’ve managed to coax them into creating 8 or 9 of the 16 or so required monuments.

Monster Loves You! (PC): COMPLETED!

Monster in my spawn pit

Uh. I’m really not sure what to make of this game. It was pretty funny, so there’s that. The story was unusual, following the decisions you make on your life’s journey from tiny swimming lifeform to fully grown monster, but there wasn’t a lot to it.

monster loves you

The closest game to it, that I’ve played in recent years at least, is Hatoful Boyfriend. There’s the similar story-and-multiple-choice-reaction thing going on, and the many ending resulting from this. Most choices affect one of each of your monster’s stats: Ferocity, Kindness, Cleverness, etc., and the events involve interactions (and possible consumption of) cats, children, other monsters, and so on.

At the end, you’re tested to see if you can ascend to become a monster elder, or whether you’re destined to dissolve and become one with the spawning pool for a new generation of monsters. I ended up with the latter.

monster loves you

Lumo (PS4): COMPLETED!

A wizard’s staff has a knob on the end.

Lumo is how you remember old Spectrum isometric games played. You know the ones, like Batman and Head over Heels and Knightlore. Only you remember wrong. Because although we all loved them back then, they were a pig to control and the hardest things ever.

Take the idea of these games, and view them through a rose-tinted lens, and you have Lumo. It both pays homage to, and lampoons, the 8-bit isometric arcade adventure genre.

lumo

You begin in “the real world”, visiting a small-time retro gaming event. One of the machines on display malfunctions, and you’re sucked into a world where you’ve become a super-deformed wizard and electrified floors and hidden cassette tapes are the order of the day. You move from room to room, overcoming platforming challenges or puzzles, collecting four artefacts. Collect them all and you just might return home.

Where Lumo succeeds is in evoking the feeling of those old games. Not just in the viewpoint, but in the sort of objects, room layouts and traps you encounter. Several rooms are almost carbon copies of classic ones, triggering the retro glands. Some rooms contain more front-and-centre references, literally including sprites or screenshots. There are nods to 80s computer games and UK gaming culture of the time everywhere. In one section, you ride a lift and the music playing is Your Sinclair’s very own Whistlin’ Rick Wilson and his classic “Hold My Hand Very Tightly (Very Tightly)”. They played it on Radio 1 once, you know.

Sometimes the game will deviate from the Ritman/Drummond/Ultimate template into other areas. There’s a minecart section, and several bonus areas that ape Ballblazer, Zaxxon, Horace Goes Skiing and Nebulus amongst others. Some of these work well in isometric, some (*cough* Horace *cough*) do not.

Lumo

Where Lumo performs less well is mainly due to this 45 degree viewpoint. Also a complaint with many of the classic titles, seeing where you are in space relevant to platforms you need to land on can be a struggle. One particular section in a later area of the game has you navigating a bubble between spikes, and it’s near impossible to determine where it will actually pass. Failing a screen because your pixel-perfect jumping isn’t up to scratch is one thing, but because it looks like the landing area is in front of you when it’s actually up in the sky several squares away? Not great.

Thankfully, and unlike isometric titles of yore (unless you cheated!), infinite lives help stave off throwing your gaming device through a window. Some of the more tricky, long, or “perspectively challenged” areas still cause the red mist after several dozen deaths, but these are rare.

It’s definitely a game aimed at 80s Speccy kids, and is worth playing for the nostalgia if nothing else. In itself it’s pretty decent too. It may lack a little polish perhaps. And maybe a few rooms should have been tweaked to reduce the viewpoint issues a tad, but there’s a lot to like here anyway. Oh, just one more thing: Make sure you install the update before you play. There are nasty save game bugs otherwise!

lumo

Bioshock Infinite (PC): COMPLETED!

Them being “Tears” is funny because one of them has Tears for Fears playing in it.

Warning: here be Bioshock Infinite spoilers. Read not further if you wish to remain in the dark about the plot and ting.

Those OK with spoilers, proceed.

Bioshock Infinite

Remember in the first Bioshock game when that “Would You Kindly” reveal made you go woahhhhh? Bioshock Infinite doesn’t have that. Not to the same degree, anyway. Part of the reason is that the backstory and twists, if you could call them that, are drip-fed to you in mainly in the form of audiologs supplemented by the odd happenings regarding tears you come across and some seemingly out of place dialogue here and there.

The first suggestions that things aren’t what they seem come about in the form of music, where a barber shop quartet stops by to sing some Beach Boys, and a brass band strike up with an instrumental version of Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. Not in keeping with the 1912 setting. Coupled with Elizabeth’s ability to open tears – one of which shows Paris in the 1980s – it becomes obvious some sort of time and/or dimension jumping occurs and technology (like many of the guns) and music are pulled through.

Bioshock Infinite

Later, you jump to alternate realities yourself, with Elizabeth’s help. With exposition from the “twin” Lutece scientists the game essentially becomes an series of episodes of Sliders.

So what I have pieced together, is this: DeWitt has a baby daughter, which he gives up to pay off his debts. He forgets about this, however, although part of him remembers her – Anna – died, or was lost, or something. The baby is given to Comstock, who is the “prophet” who creates the flying city of Columbia, and grows up to become Elizabeth, the daughter of the prophet.

Bioshock Infinite

Now, other places no doubt have a full breakdown of everything, but ultimately (in my ending, anyway), it is revealed that DeWitt is Comstock. Rosalind Lutece and her other-reality “brother” Robert have made Anna/Elizabeth into a conduit between realities, and they are able to travel freely between realities to further their aims. The city flies based on one of their experiments too: An audiolog from Rosalind says she made an atom levitate, and if not an atom, why not something bigger – like a city. In fact, it doesn’t levitate. It just doesn’t fall. Erm.

Confused yet? Well, what about when Elizabeth opens up a door into Rapture? Here is the killer line. No, not DeWitt’s “A city under the ocean? Ridiculous” which was funny. The other line, from Elizabeth: “There’s always a lighthouse. There’s always a man. There’s always a city.” BOOM.

Bioshock Infinite

That’s right. My reading of this, is that Rapture is just another reality’s Columbia. Andrew Ryan is just another reality’s Zachary Comstock. The reason the whole game felt like the same damn story in a different place, is because it was the same damn story in a different place.

Woahhhhh.

There’s more to it all than this, including who was from which reality, but that’s my take on it. Other places explain more. Once you know DeWitt is Comstock, some things make more sense too. Slate, for instance, is incensed that Comstock proclaims he was at the Battle of Wounded Knee. He says he was not, and DeWitt (who was there) agrees. But since DeWitt is Comstock, it makes sense.

Anyway. That’s the plot. What about the game?

Bioshock Infinite

I’ll put it this way: Bioshock Infinite is a great story punctuated with pointless, annoying combat sections. The wonderful trap-setting from Bioshock 2? Gone. What remains are horrible skyrail-heavy fights, mostly useless “vigours”, and never enough ammo. Honestly, I think Bioshock Infinite would have worked much better as a straight narrative discovery game.

Still, I did enjoy it overall and will look out for the DLC being on offer.

Grow Up (PS4): COMPLETED!

And the award for most phallic flora goes to…

grow up Just a brief thing about Grow Up here. It’s good, it’s not as good as the original (Grow Home), and I enjoyed it.

OK, perhaps a little more than that. The premise is slightly different to the first game. You now have to find the parts of M.O.M. (literally your mothership) scattered around the planet. There is more than one Star Plant. The onus is more on jumping and (later) gliding from place to place. For some reason the game pauses sometimes when you collect things or land. It’s very pretty. The strange animals are cute. You can still drown them while they look at you with disappointment.

Despite the game, there’s less growing up than in Grow Home. Instead, you have to scale multiple heights rather than one main one. Each feels less high, and although you ultimately reach the moon, it doesn’t seem nearly as high up as in the first game.

Still, as I said, it was fun, the skies were blue, and I very much enjoyed it. 100%ing it, by doing all the challenges and finding (or rather, stumbling across) all the crystals though? Nah, y’aight.

Bioshock Infinite (PC)

To infinity, and, well, there’s nothing past infinity.

Finally, after much configuring and tweaking and getting a wireless adaptor for the 360 controller, I managed to get my Steam Link working both reliably and without cables all across the lounge. Which means, in my mind, I now have a new games console and an instant library of hundreds of games I’ve collected over the years and barely played.

Bioshock Infinite is one I picked up ages ago, probably in a Humble Bundle (that’s where most of my games come from), but was still on the lookout for a 360 or PS4 version to play on my telly. Now, I don’t need to!

bioshock infinite
Not creepy at all. Uh uh.

I’ve played about 4 hours of it so far, working my way through Columbia, rescuing Elizabeth, taking photos of toilets, that sort of thing. It looks very pretty, especially since I realised my iMac can handle running the game on the highest possible graphical settings, with blue skies and stuff, but there’s something I can’t quite put my finger on that’s missing from the game.

It’s all a bit linear so far, with “free roaming” only bolted on for those who wish to explore. There’s quite a bit to explore, but the rewards are pretty poor. The “vigours” I’ve collected up to now are pretty dull – one is a grenade, essentially, and is useful, but the other two are very underpowered. “Murder of Crows” seems to do little but distract, and the possession vigour isn’t a patch on the berserk darts from Assassin’s Creed.

These are negative points, but minor in the scheme of things. I don’t know what is making it feel a bit poor, but hopefully things will improve and it’ll go away?

bioshock infinite
Everybody’s dead, Dave

Another observation about Bioshock Infinite is that it isn’t Dishonoured. I remarked when I played that game that it felt a lot like Bioshock, and the world of Bioshock Infinite feels a lot like that of Dishonoured. So far, Bethesda’s game is the better of the two despite coming an year earlier. We’ll see.

As for where I am – I’m just working through Soldier’s Field. It’s been very easy until now. Does it get harder?

bioshock infinite
“He’s on fire!”

Oh! And I think I’ve figured out why they exist already, and why The Prophet can “see” the future, but hearing the barbershop quartet singing Gold Only Knows by the Beach Boys, and a brass band playing Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, when the game is set in 1912, was a little… awesome. And confusing. The way it just permeates your subconscious and you realise what you’re listening to. That bit where Tears for Fears plays though – that pretty much explains it.

Lego Dimensions: Portal 2 (PS4): COMPLETED!

Now you’re playing with Portals

After a short hiatus while I finished off a few 3DS games, my daughter and I got back on Lego Dimensions and ran through the Portal 2 level.

It was good! Full of Cave Johnson, some nice Portal 2 puzzles (including the blue bouncy gel and the orange accelerating gel), and of course, it was pretty funny too. I’m not sure the game considered just how easy it was to skip massive sections with a flying vehicle, such as the Cloud Cuckoo Car, as two large areas we missed almost entirely, but that doesn’t really matter.

lego dimensions portal 2

The hub world is decent too, with plenty of referenced – you have to grow the potato, for example. And the shed from the end of the first Portal game is there too, as is Chell’s “room”, complete with toilet. Toilets are important.

We’ve just the one level pack remaining now – Mission Impossible.

Oh! And before I go, you’ll be wanting an updated List, right?

Sonic the Hedgehog > Adventure Time > Midway Arcade > Portal 2 > Doctor Who > The Simpsons > Ghostbusters > Back to the Future.

There you go!

Viscera Cleanup Detail (PC)

Am I missing something, or is it really this dull and tedious? Funny as it might appear, dragging bits of carcass around and using the worst mop ever is actually dire.

Putting stuff in stuff is an excercise in futility since the controls and physics combine to make every manual handling action catastrophically imprecise. No sooner have you put a leg in a biowaste bucket, you’re cleaning up as it flails comically, spewing blood everywhere and leaving you back at square one.