Booyah, Polaski. I popped a cap in yo ass. Well, technically it was a rocket, but you get the picture. Sadly, I couldn’t take Tenpenny down at the same time, but he can wait. Some more missions for The Truth opened up for me. First, I had to get inside Area 69 and steal a jetpack, and then I had to use it to follow a train and steal some “green goo” from a crate. Bizarre. I now have unlimited …

Decided not to bother with the police bikes, as the heist probably isn’t part of the main story. Instead, I did some more missions for Toreno, which I didn’t realise were available to me until I saw the red glow at my airstrip. Had to fly a plane really low, under the radar, to some point and drop some stuff, then fly back. This was made harder by the twitchiest plane controls EVAR and the fact that the “minimum height” …

My first mission this session was to save Madd Dogg from commiting suicide. This was a little odd, since I’d previously ruined his career and killed him manager. Oh well. Next, I carried on with some bits for the heist Carl and Woosie are planning – including jumping out of a plane over a dam, then planting charges in the dam to blow it up (at a later date, I assume) in order to kill Las Venturas’ power grid. Yes, …

I safely recovered the two idiot band members this time, and took them to see some mafia bloke who is caught between three rival mafia families. Some double-agent type missions were then completed, including rescuing the guy I terrorised on the front of my car yesterday, and then killing everyone who worked for him. Bizarre. I also have another girlfriend now, who I need to “woo” in order to gain a security card for a casino heist. That’s right – …

MOST ANNOYING BIT EVAAR. It seems there’s a flying school mission at the airstrip I’ve just bought, so I went and finished that. It took AGES as it’s too hard. The plane controls are too twitchy, and when flying the helicopter the camera swings round to suit itself but not you, meaning you can’t see where you’re going, or what you’re shooting at. Stupid. Anyway, that done, it was off to Las Venturas properly, to do some more missions for …

So I did a few missions for this dodgy “government agency” guy in the desert, blowing up helicopters and buying an airstrip. Those soon ran dry, and it was back to stealing cars for Ceser in San Fierro. Very much like Gone in 60 Seconds. And, to add to Dance Theft Auto, and Splinter Nigga, not to mention the million and one further other-game-a-like sections, I get a Need fo’ Speed section. Complete with nitros and blur-o-vision. But now I’m …

Spent a merry hour exploring the area I unlocked yesterday. This game really is rather big, isn’t it? I just wish I could nick a helicopter again now. I’d stolen one before, but I can’t go back and get it now as the airport is shut. Also bumped up my SMG and sawn-off shotgun stats a bit. I should be able to dual-wield the sawn-offs soon enough!

Gettin’ on, mofo! Or something. About four missions later (one of which involved blowing up a helicopter with a rocket launcher, and another involved killing [spoiler]), and I’m off to sunny Las Venturas across the sea. There I met a mysterious man, who wants me to ride a Monster Truck all over the hills, for no reason. I oblige, only to mess it up as I couldn’t scale a mountain quick enough. Managed it on my second attempt though. And …

Managed the “Snail Trail” mission from yesterday on today’s first attempt. I figured out the “happy medium” between tailing too close, and losing the reporter in the distance. I’m not sure why I was given a sniper rifle to bump him and his informant off, though, since a sword was just as effective. I then spent a merry half an hour knocking my pistol, shotgun and SMG sk1llz up. I can now dual-wield pistols! John Woo would be impressed.

I’ve decided to go back to this now, and get it completed. Assuming I don’t get too annoyed at it. I really like the game, but the missions annoy me. I just like driving round, shooting things, jumping out of things, and Taking A Bike Where A Bike Shouldn’t Go (TM). Did two of Jizzy’s missions, and then had to tail a reporter. First, he gets on a train, so I have to follow that. Which takes aaaaages to stop. …

HAHAHAHA! Take that, end of game opponent! Managed to beat Sparky and Whoosh 2, quite easily as well. I was 500 points ahead on the last round, which was a comfortable lead. Unfortunately, he then got a Frog-in-One, and picked up a couple of hundred points en route too, putting me about 1200 points behind. You get 1500 for a Frog-in-One, and I’d have got 900 points (or less) if I didn’t. But I managed a Frog-in-One too, and whipped …

It started off well. I raced through my opponents, defeating all of them bar one first go and by miles. I did lose to Princess Fish-on-Head once, but only because she got the bonus points and it took her score to 5210 – when mine was 5206. Grr. And then, on the last opponent (Or at least, I assume Sparky and Whoosh 2 are my last opponents, since they have the item I need and I’ve played everyone else), I …

Made a largish dent into the “Second Mission” this evening. Is it me, or have the opponents become really retarded now? On one level, Sir Waddlelot tried the same shot seven times, each time going out of bounds, and each time losing 50 points. He failed to finish that round at all, and ended up with fewer points than he started the round with. The panda did a similar thing on another level too, allowing me to storm ahead and …

Stupid. STUPID STUPID. I beat the final opponent. He was actually pretty hard, since he knew all the “paths” to getting huge bonuses and racking up his multiplier. And he never made any mistakes either. Luckily, I knew a few paths too, and thrashed him in the final round. Hurrah! Then the end of game sequence kicks in, but I had to answer the door. When I got back, it was just finishing. And then the game autosaved. And now …

I did much better today – not losing a single match. Walked all over Sir Waddlelot, Girl-With-Fish-on-Head, Cosmos the Alien, Lunk 2 and everyone else I played. Excellent. When I ran out of opponents, [spoiler] appeared, and told me he was to be my final opponent! Woo!