2000m? Mr Driller says “No”.

How come I can only get as far as 1200m on the 2000m run now? Answers on a postcard…

After many, many attempts, and the creation of all new curses, 1500m is PWNED. Although a staggering achievement, sadly 2000m still looms. Despite my best efforts, I can’t even break 1200m on that one, so once again impossibility sets in. Ho hum.

Wow. Four games in five weeks. That’s about as many games as last year in total, I think. Excellent. So, the last round of Swingles meant a chat-minigame, which was easy right up to the last bit which was hard, meaning I failed twice and had to redo the whole three-minute chat again. And again. After that, I eliminated Barbera Jo (bouncy as she was), and moved on to a Dance-in-our-Pants minigame, which was pretty easy. Then the final decision: …

More feeble efforts. I managed 1074m on the 1500m run on one attempt – rubbish! Another attempt was even worse, with a rather apt 666m. Stupid game.

Looks like I’m nearly at the end of the game now. I had whirlwind romances with Barbera Jo (ended in a wet T-shirt competiton), Suzi (I joined her rock group and then spanked her), and Morgan. Morgan is by far the most bizarre of them, as she’s some kind of internet nerd, with whom I played strip-hand-slappy with, then the rudest game of Dungeons and Dragons you can imagine, and then finally we streaked campus. As they say in Americaland, …

Managed to win over Harriet first, who is very scary indeed. Not least that she’s possessed by some kind of demon. Nor that she only wants me if I dress up as a tree. Anyway, I figured out an easy way to win the hand-slappy game, and so got the Token of Affection from her a little later. Next, it was on to Beatrice, the professor in the lab. This was even more wrong, as it involved swapping my brain …

My time today was split between Analisa (guess Larry’s hilarious pronunciation of that, if you can) and Bilzarbra (what kind of a name is that?). I managed to “win” them both over, which in Bilzarbra’s case involved a sentient arcade machine. I also stumbled across the Porn Fairy, who looks alarmingly like Ron Jeremy. He burst into song, singing about being the Porn Fairy to the tune of the Gilbert and Sullivan “Pirate King” song. Which was nice.

Grrr. There is cheating afoot. There must be! I never get any of the tiles I want, and the computer always manages to finish before I’m even halfway. When I get down to needing, say, either a 3 of Bamboo or a 6 of Bamboo to win, I get a steady stream of useless Wind and Dragon tiles. Conversely, if I want a particular Wind tile, all I get is tiles from suits I’m not even aiming for. Cheating. FACT. …

Just like 1000m before it, 1500m is plainly not possible. Except 1000m was, it seemed. Anyway, 1500m can’t be done. FACT. I got to 1200m or so, and died.

I got a new video capture device today, so I thought I’d test it with my Famicom. And I then spent an hour playing (and losing) Mahjongg on it. Bah. I’m sure this game cheats. You start with 27,000 points, and over the course of about 10 rounds, I lost them all to the computer. I won just one round, and only got about 500 points for that. Cheeky cheating computer. Boooo!

Due to PC transplantation duties, I didn’t play this for long. It certainly seems a bit bizarre, and I’m not sure it’s a puzzle game that my brain can cope with. Nevertheless, I managed a score of over 100,000 on one of the game modes. The one that says “0-100” on it at the beginning. Don’t look at me like you don’t know.

1000m BEAT! Hurrah! I used items again, but then, the game is obviously impossible without them. I’ve unlocked Anna now too, who sounds about 50 years old, yet looks 12. Now onto the 1500m level, which exists only for Namco to mock me further.

I found an easy way to make money today – taking photos. Get at least two “lights” on the camera, and take a picture. Then, take your snaps to the geeky guy in the library and he’ll pay you for them, $1-per-light, for a fee of $1-per-photo. The cheerleaders all in one shot gets you $4 this way, so you can rack up the money fairly easily. Won over Zanna, by beating her at strip-trampolining (as you do), and they …

Great. I got up to 955m this time, and died. Again. I’m sure someone at Namco is laughing at me. I hate them.